What Remains
by nomoreanger
Summary: Hermione is broken and one night Draco ends up on her doorstep, equally broken and desperate. Warning: this fic contains alcohol abuse, infertility, miscarriage, angst, fluff and lemons.
1. Chapter 1

Hi, this is my first proper try at writing.. well, since high school anyway. But that was half a lifetime ago. I am desperate for reviews to guide the story along. I currently have three more chapters written out but they need some finetuning before publishing.

Warning: this fic contains alcohol abuse, infertility, miscarriage, angst, fluff and lemons. Don't read if not your cup of tea!

_Dear JKRowling , All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are yours and yours alone. I am merely building a very tiny shrine in tribute to the beloved world that you created._

* * *

**November 2001**

Life had not played out the way Hermione thought it would. Not for her. Growing up during a war, watching friends and family die, struggling to survive and defeating a dark wizard should be enough trauma for a lifetime. They were supposed to have their happily ever afters.. she was supposed to.. brightest witch, golden girl and all that. More like burnt out, lost, lonely… barren.

After the war, life had seemed perfect for a while. The perfect life, perfect job, home, and husband. Perfect fucking Crookshanks.

She and Ron had married a year to the day of the final battle. Rumors had been floating around that a shotgun wedding was needed, that two of the golden trio were expecting, but that could not have been farther from the truth. She had been blissfully happy despite all that and Ron had whispered sweet nothings into her ear about how they would create a perfect honeymoon baby. And tried they had.

Days turning into months and years of trying and failing, countless tests and healers appointments. Years of focusing on work to fill the void and grasping onto the only area where she did not feel like a failure, climbing ranks at the ministry. First junior Auror, then deputy, then lead and finally head of the department. Every climb in ranks chipping away at their relationship and Ron blaming their infertility on the stress of her job.

An empty room in their perfect home a constant reminder of their failure.

Until Ron left her.

It had been a long time coming. They were unhappy and he managed to find happiness with someone else. A bubbly, blonde muggle waitress called Ellie, ample, fertile and happy Ellie. Ron was head over heels in love. Apparently, he had been frequenting the cafe where she was working for months.. months of slowly falling in love with someone else, all while trying to have a baby with his wife.

Ron confessed to her on a Monday after work, They filed for divorce the next day.

The pain of the betrayal was paralyzing but the final blow came a few days later when the divorce was finalized and Ron remarried the same day. Apparently, that shotgun wedding was finally needed.

Hermione did not leave her house for a week after that, she rarely left the place where she was sitting either. To avoid any confrontation with Ron Harry and Ginny came to the house to collect his things, while they gathered, boxed up and levitated his things she sat on her chaise lounge in the living room, frozen in place, staring.

It had all happened so fast. One week ago they had been hoping for a baby, and now her house was slowly emptying of anything that reminded her of him. She had marked anything that reminded her of him with orange tape and asked them to remove it while they were at it, Ron could either keep it or throw it away.

Only when Harry and Ginny had finished up and left did she realize how empty the house now was.

She moved from room to room, running her fingers along the wall where dust marks had been left where frames had once hung, pausing on the spot where the hardwood floor had been faded by the sun that now stood in stark contrast towards the area where aunt Muriel's Persian rug had been.

One of the twin wardrobes in the bedroom was now empty, the bedside table on the left did not have its usual pile of magazines and chocolate frog wrappers, the bathroom now only featured one toothbrush and no spearmint toothpaste was left to be found. Her left hand was now empty and where the Garnet Diamond Halo Ring once had been a pale tan line was now the only thing that remained.

She had returned to work one week after the divorce was finalized. The first day back she also got her period, another reminder of her failure as a human being. In her heartbroken state, she managed to have a hysterical breakdown and left the office in a flurry of broken furniture, singed paper, and shocked colleagues. She almost managed half a day and vowed to herself that she'd never set foot in that department again.

How does one move on from this she wondered as she entered the near-empty townhouse. She hung her keys on the hook by the door and crawled back onto the worn chaise lounge in the living room. She fell asleep watching the first snow of the year falling outside the window.


	2. Chapter 2

Hi again,

another chapter ready for publishing. please read and review!

Warning: this fic contains alcohol abuse, infertility, miscarriage, angst, fluff and lemons. Don't read if not your cup of tea!

_Dear JKRowling, All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are yours and yours alone. I am merely building a very tiny shrine in tribute to the beloved world that you created._

* * *

**May 2002**

The clock was nearing midnight when a knock was heard echoing throughout the near-empty house, the knocking grew louder and more urgent by each passing minute.  
"Lumos" she whispered from her dark corner and an orb of light grew from the tip of her wand, slowly illuminating her shape where she sat on her worn-out chaise lounge. 'Why in the world was someone doing at the door at this time of night?!' She thought as she rose slowly, her wand in a vice-like grip. The streetlight filtering through the shutters on the windows fell on the floor and the light climbed up her body as she walked towards the door. Through the decorative stained glass window, she saw the outlines of two hooded Aurors holding a kneeling man by the upper arms their faces not discernible against the backlight from the street. Hermione raised her wand and wordlessly lowered her wards and unlocked the door.  
"...what?" She started saying as the door swung open but was interrupted as the hooded figure lurched forward and emitted a pained sound. Auror Jenkins face came into view as the light from her wand fell on his face. He twisted the arm of the hooded figure and forced his head towards the rain-drenched tiles.  
"This scum was apprehended at your parents home, Auror Granger. We were alerted when our perimeter wards picked up strange magical activity and when we arrived he had blasted half of the house to bits. Jenkins barked.  
"He begged us to speak to you so that he could apologize before placed him in a holding cell awaiting trial." Followed the softer voice of junior Auror Cho Chang.

"I.. I am so... so sorry" the man in the hooded cloak cried, "pl..pleeease not Azkaban"

"Who?!" Hermione questioned and bent towards the figure on the stairs her hand tentatively approaching the hem of the hood.  
"Oh, you are going to love this!" Cho exclaimed and with a wave of her wand the hood flew back exposing the man bent head. Matted and dirty hair that appeared to once have been blonde was quickly turning drenched while the rain continued to pour. The man lifted his head slowly and when eyes with steel grey irises bore into hers she had to take a step back in chock.  
"M..malfoy?"  
"Indeed, he appears to have been living in your parents home for some time." Said Cho.

"The high and mighty Draco Malfoy squatting in a muggle home" spat Jenkins and twisted Malfoy's arm again forcing a yelp from his throat.  
"Stop!" Hermione cried.. her heart was beating so hard

"he.. I.. I had allowed him to stay there!" Hermione lied before pausing to collect herself "he was staying there as my guest, Unhand him immediately" Hermione ordered.  
Cho and Jenkins froze with shocked expressions on their faces before Cho released Malfoy with a jerk of her arm. Jenkins followed seemingly hesitant and eyed Hermione suspiciously.  
"The next time you let former convicts and death eaters stay with you please inform us beforehand!" Spat Jenkins before taking a step down from the stoop and apparating away with an angry crack.  
"Sorry, Hermione... Jenkins had a hard time accepting Malfoys short sentence and was so pleased to have  
caught him seemingly red-handed" Cho said before turning to Malfoy who was still kneeling on the rain-drenched stairs. "Your wand" Cho spoke softly before removing the hawthorn wand from her holster and returning it to him.  
"Do you want me to.. return him?" She continued.  
"No, no... we have it from here. You are free to go, Auror Chang. Thank you" Hermione replied. Cho stepped slowly backward on the steps and after a few paces, she apparated away leaving Hermione alone with the rain-drenched and dirty blonde man so unlike the boy that was once her classmate. She paused and watched him for a minute, grey eyes boring into brown.. 'what happened to you?' She wondered but she was not ready to have that discussion and neither was he. She stepped back into the darkness of her house and catching Malfoys grey eyes once again she waved for him to follow her.

The entrance hall of her small townhouse was connected to a small sitting room. The room was almost empty with only a chaise lounge and a floor lamp in one corner but the walls were all lined with bookcases overflowing with books. 'No surprise there' he thought as he slowly followed her into the house and turned to close the door behind him.

"Tergeo" Hermione whispered as she pointed her wand towards Malfoy to remove most of the rain and some of the dirt from him. "I like these floors" she continued and shrugged before turning away. He watched her as the stepped through a doorway at the back of the room and a few seconds later a dozen jars filled with what looked like blue flames floated through the doorway and spread throughout the room casting a soft glow around the room. Hermione reappeared in the doorway carrying a pile of towels.  
"I have started to draw a bath for you" she spoke near whispered and handed him the towels, "up the stairs, to the left... I'll prepare some food while you clean up. We can talk later.." she thrust the pile of towels into his hands and stepped back into the room from where she had appeared. His gaze followed her into what appeared to be a small kitchen. Shaking his head he let his fingers run over the soft terry cloth of the towels feeling and marveling at the soft fabric as if it was the first time he felt something so soft.  
Why did she treat him with such kindness?

The stairs were opposite the front door and they creaked with every step he took the sound bouncing off the walls and echoing through the house. The house looked cold and empty but felt warm, probably some well-executed heating spells but also in a way that old homes feel, homes that have been lived in, loved in. So unlike the manor where everything was rich textiles and opulent furnishings but completely devoid of warmth or love.  
He was alone now, Lucius had died in Azkaban two years after the war, and Narcissa from heartache a year to the day after him. After Narcissa had passed he couldn't stay at the manor and everything was a painful reminder of... everything that he had simply left it all behind. Walked out the front door, past the gates and continued walking.  
Up the stairs he found the bathroom, steam from the tub had escaped underneath the door and already from the middle of the stairs, a heady smell of jasmine and neroli drew him towards the door. The bathroom was small - and the tub tiny but Granger was a small girl...

'no... not a girl anymore..' he mused as he closed the door and undressed. He tested the temperature of the water with his toe before sliding into the bath and submerging his entire body, only head and knees sticking up through the milky surface of the water. Maybe the bath wasn't that small, or maybe his body had been more affected by the past years than he had thought. There was a mirror opposite where he sat in the tub and he hardly recognized the man gazing back at him. Hollow cheekbones, dark lines under his eyes, now wet hair falling past his shoulders and clinging to his skin, beard long and unkempt. How had he let himself fall to pieces like this?

He reached for the wand that he had left on the floor next to the tub. A series of grooming spells later the beard was gone, the hair was cleaned and the reflection at least started to resemble somewhat what he used to look like. The frown lines and dark circles would probably fade with time but he wondered if the haunted look was there to stay. He closed his eyes and rested his head on the cool tile next to the tub.

He had walked aimlessly for weeks after leaving the manor, finding (stealing) food wherever he could and discovering the delights of muggle alcohol. When he got tired of sleeping outside he often managed to find some lonely person that invited him to share their bed and home for a while.. until he ended up on the streets again. After drifting around London for a couple of weeks he found himself in Hampstead in northwest London and on a familiar street. He had been here once before, during his short stint as a junior death eater he had been dragged along on a revel, a revel that turned fruitless when the house appeared abandoned.. his father had blasted the building to bits and sent up the dark mark but before they left he had caught a glimpse of a photograph in a broken frame showing a young girl with a head full of messy curls, teeth that seemed far too big for her mouth and clutching a book bigger than herself. Granger.  
So he had found himself at the doorstep of his would-be crime-scene that wasn't. Someone had put muggle-repelling charms on the house and fixed some of the damage.. but the house still looked a mess and seemed completely deserted and the once so cared for garden covered in tall grass and weeds.  
So he stayed there, in the granger home, wallowing in self pith and drinking himself into a stupor on stolen alcohol. One night, drunk out of his mind and in an angry fit decided to blast a hole in the wall. And half of the house had caved in. Not one of his finer moments.

He rose from the cold water and dried himself off with the soft as a cloud towel. His hair, now clean and dry taunted him from his reflection. he hated how much it made him look like his father. Pulling it back and gathering it made it even worse.

He was startled when a flurry of light and movement suddenly appeared in the small bathroom, a small silver otter bounded around him in circles before stopping at his feet.  
"My Patronus will show you to the guest room, there are some clothes there that might fit" Hermione's small voice echoed against the tiles. He wrapped the towel around his hips, opened the door and followed the Patronus up another flight of stairs and into a small guest room. The room was sparingly furnished, like the rest of the house. A bed, a dresser with a small light on it and a sheepskin on the floor. The Patronus was waiting on top of the dresser so he approached it and pulled open the top drawer to reveal some neatly folded shirts: he chose a white button-down shirt and some grey wool trousers. The style was not modern but they were not hodgepodge hand me downs either, excluding them belonging to weasel or potter.. so he assumed they once belonged to some older relative of grangers. He also found some underthings and cashmere socks. Whoever they belonged to must have appreciated finer fabrics.

Once dressed he walked down both flights of stairs and into the kitchen where two bowls of soup, some bread and a bottle of wine stood waiting. 'Where was Granger?'  
He found her asleep on the chaise lounge he had just passed. She looked so small and fragile. Her curls had been pulled into a messy bun at the top of her head but a stray curl had escaped and was dancing slightly with each exhale.

Her eyes fluttered open and her gaze shifted onto him traveling from his hair down his face and back up to his eyes, locking brown into grey.

She had fallen asleep. And when She woke to steel grey eyes watching her it took longer than usual for the events of the night to catch up with her. It was Malfoy, Draco Malfoy. She let her gaze travel from his once again pristine platinum hair that had grown past his shoulders, pausing at his tired eyes and the dark circles underneath, down his straight nose, pouty as ever mouth and pointed chin and back up. She shivered and tore her gaze from him as she rose from the chaise lounge and folded the quilt before placing it over the backrest.

When she turned towards him he was still eyeing here tentatively and frowning.

"I made some soup and there's wine if you'd like some?" She asked him before she turned away again moving quickly towards the kitchen. With a wave of her wand, she removed the stasis charm from the bowls of soup and levitated the bowls towards a small kitchen table before she grabbed the wine and the bread and moved to sit down. He was still watching her from the doorway so she made a small wave beckoning him towards the table where he sat down opposite her.

She watched him eyeing the bowl suspiciously

"Eat, you look starving"... she told him and added with a smile, "I promise that it is not poisoned"

He watched her with a face that completely masked any emotion he might have felt before he ate a spoonful of soup and shut his eyes. He looked so tired, small and empty. His shoulders slouched. He grabbed a second spoonful and ate it before he opened his eyes again. Grey meeting brown.

"The soup tastes wonderful, thank you," he said before he looked down and continued eating in silence, the stone mask ever-present on his face.

She poured him some wine which he downed quickly without meeting her eyes, so she poured him some more.

The dinner was completed in silence and she took this and his ever-present stone mask as an indication of him not being ready to talk.

Once they had eaten and finished the bottle of wine he rose from the table and levitated their bowls towards the sink, he vanished the empty bottle and charmed the dishes to clean themselves before he turned back to where she was still sitting at the table.

"I am tired," he said quietly, lifting his gaze and meeting hers. The mask was lifted and for a few seconds, his eyes sparkled with emotion.

"Follow me, I'll get you some sheets and a comforter" she replied softly and walked towards the stairs. She didn't need to turn around to know that he was following her.

Two flights of stairs up she entered a bedroom that was as sparsely furnished as the rest of the house featuring only a big four-poster bed surrounded by stacks of books.

She entered a closet to the right of the bed and returned carrying sheets and a comforter. She froze, suddenly realizing that she was standing in her bedroom with Draco Malfoy and blushed furiously at the realization.

"Do you need any help with making the bed? She asked quietly as she moved towards him.

"I'm good, thank you... Granger" he replied and moved to grab the pile from her hands, as his fingers grazed hers a spark ran through her hand and up her arm, 'probably just static electricity' she thought and rubbed her hands together nervously.

He looked at her, a puzzled expression on his face. He turned towards the door but paused before he left the room, without turning a soft "goodnight Hermione" drifted back towards her but before she had time to reply he had disappeared down the stairs.

This last few hours had been so strange. What had happened to him? After the war she and Harry had testified for him and his mother at their trials, explaining how their actions turned a losing battle to their Favor. Both had been acquitted Of all charges but placed on magical probation and under house arrest for a year. They had hidden away in their manor home and nothing was heard from or about the Malfoys until Lucius passed away two years later and then a year after him Narcissa. After that the Young Malfoy heir had disappeared and for a few weeks he was Featured front page on witches weekly where they picked apart and speculated on the rumors circulating that the filthy rich bachelor was living a life of luxury on a private island in the Bahamas surrounded by beautiful women or had joined a monastery in Thailand and donated all his money to a wildlife sanctuary. None of which seemed plausible and now appeared untrue due to how He arrived at her doorstep dirty and broken after having crashed at her parents' house. 'Why her parents' house?!'

She had found her parents after the war and restored their memories. They had been so angry and scared and decided to stay in Australia where they had built their lives and started a new dentistry practice. They were on Christmas card terms now, at best.

She had thrown herself into working towards becoming an auror, this gave her something to distract herself with and for a while, she was busy reforming the ministry from the inside and purging the world of darkness.. but behind her strong facade, she was falling apart. Darkness growing inside her, radiating from her empty womb and tainting everything. While she and Ron were desperately clinging to the last fragments if hope Harry embarked on building his dream, a life of leisure and a family. He married Ginny Weasley and they had produced a son and a set of twin girls and were now more than busy leading their perfect life and raising their perfect kids. They were still best friends, but anyone that has been unhappy and surrounded by happy people knows how deep trenches of bitterness eventually end up separating you from them, no matter how much you try to be happy for them.

After ron left her and found his dream with Ellie, her strong facade had slipped and after a breakdown at work where she had ranted hysterically about everyone being ridiculously dimwitted drones relying on her to do everything for them, she blasted her desk to bits and stomped out of the ministry. She had placed herself on temporary leave to sort herself out but days had turned into weeks and weeks into months. She had hauled herself up in her house and now spent her days reading books, walking in circles and drinking wine, not healing, not fixing.. just being. A suspended void. Her contact with the magical world was minimal and constituted of some work owls and semi-regular visits from Harry. He always watched her cautiously, gave her a warm hug and placed some containers with Ginny's homemade cooking in her fridge.

She barely went outside these days, save for a walk down the street to the corner shop where she always bought wine, yogurt, fruit and the occasional packet of cigarettes. Oh how the mighty war heroine had fallen.

She had laid herself down on top of the comforter in the bed and was laying there staring up at the canopy. The white fabric was gathered into soft pillowy folds that reminded her of clouds.

She fell asleep that way; fully dressed, with her hands tensely gripping the comforter and her mind full of turning thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

As a mother of two, i've sure been a busy bee today. writing and editing during every second that I could manage to spare.

My heart breaks for Hermione and every other woman and couple suffering through infertility issues. I've been beyond blessed and had no troubles conceiving but suffered postpartum instead with depression.

Anyway, here goes. Please read and review!

Warning: this fic contains alcohol abuse, infertility, miscarriage, angst, fluff and lemons. Don't read if not your cup of tea!

_Dear JKRowling, All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are yours and yours alone. I am merely building a very tiny shrine in tribute to the beloved world that you created._

* * *

Hermione woke to the sun streaming through the canopy and into her face. Her mouth was dry and her head felt heavy. As usual. She laid there for a moment staring at the canopy while the events from that night caught up with her. Vowing to herself never to drink again, as she did every morning.

"Tempus"

It was 12:56. The last time she checked the time was around four in the morning so a lie-in was probably necessary. Not that she had anything else to do that day - or any day. Time was of no consequence when unemployed, unattached.. unwanted.

Last night's clothes were a crumpled mess so She changed into a pair Of Worn jeans and an oversized white shirt, forgoing a shower for a freshening charm and gathering her messy curls into another bun, before tiptoeing carefully down the stairs.

The door to the guest room was slightly open and there on the bed lay Draco Malfoy, spread eagle between crumpled sheets looking oddly… angelic…

That was a word she never thought she'd put in connection to Malfoy. But he was different.. and when he let the mask of indifference slip, even for a fraction of a second, it was like she could see straight into his soul. And it scared her. He seemed so fragile beneath that shell but she wondered how much pain and darkness was hidden beneath all those layers. He moaned in his sleep startling her from her thoughts, so she quickly shut the door and continued downstairs where she turned on the coffee maker and started making pancakes.

—

'Coffee… head hurts… hungry.'

For Draco, only one thing about waking up that morning was pleasant, the smell of breakfast and coffee drifting up through the house.

Well, he had slept a full nine hours in a soft bed that smelled overwhelmingly like her. Despite the nightmares that had plagued him it had been comforting to be surrounded by good. Hermione was good, down to the core good.. wouldn't hurt a fly good. 'How did she end up becoming an auror?'

He tiptoed down the flight of stairs and into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. The reflection that was looking back at him from the mirror looked much more like him than the reflection from the previous night. St least he looked semi-clean and not as unkempt. After a Quick shower, he returned to the bedroom, retrieved some fresh clothes from the drawer, Dressed in a pair Of dark grey slacks and a navy sweater and walked downstairs.

She was standing at the stove with her back turned towards him when he entered the kitchen so he just stood there watching her. She was swaying back and forth in front of the stove, flipping pancakes with practiced ease. Faded and torn light blue jeans low on her hips, a crisp white shirt tucked in. Her hair, ever the mess, gathered loosely into a bun with curls escaping from its confines. The sun was filtering through the unwashed windows and fell on the side of her face and she looked almost carefree.

She startled as she spotted him and dropped a pancake on the floor.

"Eh.. hi" she blushed. He smiled, bent and placed a wandless cooling charm on the scalding pancake before picking it up, blowing on it for good measure and taking a bite.

"Thank you Granger" he smirked and moved to sit down at the table. She levitated the plate of pancakes onto the table and poured him some coffee.

"We..need to talk" she said as she sat down next to him and blushed as she lifted her gaze to meet his.

The most dreaded words. His heart sputtered in his chest as he dropped his gaze to the plate, fork picking at the food as he spoke…

"Before I explain everything I just want to… start.. by saying how grateful I am to you covering for me last night.. and for letting me stay the night" he finished and lifted his gaze to meet hers again.

"You don't have to explain everything.." she replied softly. "Am I correct in assuming you've had a rough time lately?"

"Yes.. i've been... lost.." he replied curtly 'to say the least' he thought to himself.

"Well, then that's all I need to know" she smiled, "I've had a rough time as well…" she paused. "if you want.. you can tell me what happened when you are ready. And you can stay here for as long as you need. I have the space, and company... is nice"

He stared at her, confusion clouding his thoughts. 'Is she for real?'.

"I know you don't need it" she continued, "according to the gossip mill you have a small island and a vast fortune waiting for you.." he laughed out loud at that, a genuine smile breaking through his stone mask. "But if you want to stay, and escape your life for a bit longer.. feel free"

"Thank you..Granger" his intense gaze met hers again across the table, "I'm sorry that you've had a rough time".

They finished breakfast in companionable silence. The only sound that filled the room was the coffee maker bubbling away on the counter and cutlery scraping against the plates. She watched him curiously as he finished his fourth pancake. The pureblood table manners she was expecting had been replaced by mannerisms similar to those of Harry or Ron and he was shovelling food down his throat at an alarming rate, as if he was afraid that it would disappear.

After breakfast he cleared and washed the dishes while she moved into the sitting room.

—

After finishing up in the kitchen he found her on her chaise lounge, knees tucked underneath her chin, reading a book. She looked up at him for a second before looking down and resuming her reading.

He walked over to a bookcase, his long finger trailing carefully over the spines of the books tracing the titles.

He grabbed a book on potions from the shelf and sat down on the floor leaning against the bookcase opposite where she sat.

They spent their day in companionable silence, reading. She watched him when he was reading and he watched her, both taking great care in not being discovered but failing, her blushing whenever caught and him frowning.

"What are you reading" he finally broke the silence

"It's called 'twelve rules to life, an antidote to chaos' by this muggle author who is a clinical psychologist" she frowned, "do you know about psychology?"

"Study Of the mind right?"

"correct.. " she smiled, "so the book provides life advice through essays on abstract ethical principles, psychology, mythology, religion et cetera… it is really rather fascinating"

"may I borrow it When you're finished?" He asked and looked slightly uncomfortable as she eyed him with an amused expression on her face.

"Yes". The man sitting on the floor Of her Living Room, the man that was open to talking about and even reading muggle literature was so far from the boy she had gone to school with. Did his

Opinions on muggles die with his parents? Did he still find her a repulsive mudblood, worth less than the dirt under his shoe?

They read on in silence until Hermione snapped the book shut and looked at him, studying him intensely, almost making him uncomfortable.

"What?" He questioned, finally breaking the silence.

"your hair is too long" she stated, "i don't like it.. it looks like.. your fathers" she explained. He scrunched his nose in disgust at the comparison but laughed uncomfortably at her bluntness.

"I can cut it if you like" she asked quietly and watched him, scanning his face for any expressions that could reveal his thoughts. "I have cut Harry's hair before.." she stated proudly, to which Draco started laughing.

"Sorry but Potters hair is, and has always been hideous!" He clutched his arms around his waist, shaking with laughter.

"Hey! That was not my fault, it always grew right back and very unevenly at that!"

Draco coughed and gathered his composure, "sure Granger, you can cut my hair"

Hermione levitated a chair from the kitchen and placed it in front of the big sitting room window, for better light. He sat on it slightly nervously while she disappeared for a moment and returned with a small mirror, a scissor and a comb. She placed the mirror on the window sill, adjusting it to mirror his face.

"So you can keep track of the progress.. and relax, I rarely fail"

"You never fail" he muttered back. 'if he only knew' she thought as she tentatively smoothed his long tresses back.

"Please don't make me look like potter, or weasel.. the horror" he murmured as she placed the towel over his shoulders, he prayed that she didn't notice the shiver running down his spine as her fingers grazed the bare skin on his neck.

"Weasley," she corrected "and no I won't.. i never cut Ron's hair.. that mess was all mrs Weasleys' doing" he laughed at that and turned to look at her watching him with an amused expression.

"Now sit still!" She scolded and slapped him softly on the shoulder.

Her hands worked carefully at his hair, cutting it a little at a time. He watched her in the mirror, she seemed to take pleasure in the task at hand and she didn't even notice as small sighs escaped her. Her brow was furrowed in concentration but there was a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

"I always wondered what your hair would feel like" she whispered and blushed. "It's just.. the complete opposite of mine.. straight, shiny.."

"Is that a compliment?" He smiled and mocked her, "never thought I'd see the day". He loved making her blush, it almost gave him as much os a thrill as making her angry used to.

After a while she ran her fingers through his now shorter hair, it was still slightly longer than he used to wear it but much more clean cut and his fringe fell into his eyes as she let go.

"There.. much better, more you" they locked eyes through the mirror, he held her gaze until she broke contact blushing.

He rose from the chair and stretched running his hand through his hair and smiling,

"Thank you Hermione"

She watched him, again, her gaze trailing across his face as if lost in thought.

"Come with me" She suddenly said and walked quickly upstairs. He followed, curious at this sudden house tour. The house was odd, but really quite beautiful, the dark wooden staircase winding its way up level after level. The bathroom was located up the first set of stairs, then up another set of stairs was the room he was currently occupying and next to it was another closed door. The house was mostly empty but semi random pieces of furniture and framed pictures scattered throughout. Pictures featuring her and the Weasley girl, her and Potter but never Ron. They went up another set of stairs and at the top floor next to her bedroom She entered an Office. It was dusty and did not seem to be used very frequently.. if even at all, and in one corner stood another chaise lounge, just like hers.

"We could bring it down into the sitting room for you if you'd like?"

He felt an insanely strong urge to hug her but refrained, they levitated the bulky piece of furniture together down the narrow staircase and positioned it next to hers. It looked almost intimate, the twin pieces of furniture standing side by side.

"Whose house is this?" His question finally broke the silence

"It was my grandfathers, he died when I was very little but I inherited the house.. it had been collecting dust for years so after the war we moved here"

"We?" He asked but regretted it immediately as a look if horror passed her features.

"Ron and I… we.. we married and made this our home.. but that was a long time ago." She whispered in reply, her eyes downcast.

"Sorry" he whispered back, and he genuinely was.. whatever happened between her and weasel changed her, and he could only speculate in what had happened there.

"I like it.. dusty and.." he smiled and almost as a reflex he reached out, his fingers grazing her hand but pulling back as if struck by lightning. she frowned, not sure how to interpret his touch. "It has character and warmth" he continued and she smiled.

They following days they settled into a comfortable routine.

She woke first in the morning and always checked on him before she went downstairs to make breakfast and as he came downstairs he poured them both coffee. They ate breakfast in companionable silence before he cleared the table and did the dishes. They spent the rest of the day sitting on their respective chaise lounges reading, in silence at first but transitioning first into sharing passages from their books and then discussing subjects. He was bright, She had always known that, but his previous prejudice and their opposite sides during the war had lead to them never conversing properly before. She enjoyed it, for once she had someone equally intellectual to discuss with. He always listened and arguwd for his opinions without trying to persuade her to change her mind, he never pressured her to talk about uncomfortable subjects, neither owed the other any answers and they both seemed to enjoy the quiet. As the sun set he always lit a fire in the fireplace and she had found some lamps in the attic that replaced the bluebell jars as better reading light. They always stayed up late and as either of them closed the book for the night the other followed suit and they turned of the lights, put out the fire and went upstairs to their separate rooms.

This evening however found hermione sitting alone on the chaise lounge, as Draco had gone upstairs for a bath, when the fire suddenly roared to life and Ginny appeared. Her heart almost stopped in her chest from fright but she quickly gathered herself and rose to greet Gin. What are the odds that she stops by the first time that her and Draco break routine.. she was not ready to defend whatever friendship had developed between her and her male guest and thanked her lucky stars that he was upstairs.

Ginny chatted animatedly about the kids and harry and needing a break and how wonderful motherhood was despite being exhausted and how thankful she was… and hermione zoned out, nodding every once in a while and trying her hardest not to make a scene when Ginny finished her glass of wine. Her. Glass. Of. Wine.

Hermione finally managed to excuse herself, blaming a headache and too much wine: 'not enough wine, she thought to herself. And as the flames stilled post ginny's departure she slumped down on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest feeling more lonely than ever. How dare she complain about motherhood, to her.. her entire body ached with the anger and sadness that was building inside her. She refilled her glass of wine to the brim and downed it quickly, the alcohol warming her bloodstream and stilling the growing darkness.

The smell of jasmine and neroli had travelled down the stairs from Draco's bath and almost as if if had beckoned her she went upstairs and in a very, unlike Hermione, brazen move she knocked on the bathroom door. It took a while and she was already regretting knocking when his quiet reply was heard..

"I am in the bath"

"I promise not to look.. can I come in?"

Instead of a reply the door unlocked and swung open. Draco was sitting in the bath, knees drawn to his chest and bubbles covering the rest of him, looking confused and slightly flushed. Unclear whether from the bath or embarrassment.

"May I join you?" she whispered, not daring to meet his gaze.

"I am naked… and the bath is rather small.."

Hermione waved her wand and enlarged the tub, simultaneously filling it with more water and more bubbles. Draco yelped and gripped the sides of the tub but looked impressed at her wandwork.

"Close your eyes while I undress" she whispered again, but finally looked up, her gaze fixing on him. He stared at her for a while before complying. And soon the water stirred and rippled as he felt her enter the tub. He felt his pulse quicken and desire stir in his abdomen at the thought of Granger naked in the same bathtub. But he swallowed and tried to clear his head before he opened his eyes. Far over on the other side of the now unnaturally long bathtub sat Granger.. knees drawn up and chin resting on top. Her eyes closed, a pained expression on her face" And at that moment she was the most beautiful creature that he had ever seen.

"What's going on Granger?" He finally asked, breaking the silence, she looked up and smiled softly.

"Ginny stopped by"

"She-weasel?" He replied, puzzled as to how that was the cause of her distress.

"Yeah"

"And how did that lead to you joining me, your sworn enemy, in the bath?" He snorted,

"you are not my sworn enemy.." she replied and sighed, silence engulfing the room once more. She leaned back in the bathtub and rested her forehead against the cool tiles."Ginny has twins and came over to complain about motherhood" she finally replied, cheeks flushing.

"And?"

"And I am barren" hermione whispered and hid her face in her hands. Silence filled the room once more, and Draco felt his heart break for the woman in front of him. So that was what happened between her and the weasel. Despite his state of undress he shifted closer to her and tentatively reached out to stroke her arm. Infertility was unfortunately quite common in pureblood circles and not in itself something that shocked him. His own parents had had immense troubles conceiving.

"Are you sure that weasel was not the problem" he finally broke the silence, his hand still stroking her arm.

"He has a daughter, Rose.. she is beautiful.. he married a muggle immediately after our divorce, she was already pregnant at the time.. and before you suggest foul play, his daughter has red hair and is the splitting image of him"

He moved back into his former position in the tub, leaning his head on his knees mirroring her position. And their gazes met again. He wanted to comfort her but didn't know how. And there they remained way past the water going cold, simply gazing at each other, deep in thought and sharing their silence.

He got out of the tub first and dried off. He then held the towel open for her and closed his eyes as she got out, covering her in the large towel and smoothing it down her arms in an affectionate gesture. She blushed violently as their eyes locked again. Causing his face to split into a grin. Never had he felt this intimate with someone, simply sharing silence and companionship. She was a marvel.

They left the bathroom and walked in silence before stopping at his door, "Goodnight Draco" she spoke softly and turned to continue up the stairs. After a few steps he grabbed hold of her hand, she jumped and stiffened at the contact turning towards him with a startled expression on her face. His hand was warm and soft, long fingers holding her small hand softly.

"I.. I really enjoy staying here.. with you. Thank you for opening up to me" he said, his eyes sparkling in the dimly lit stairwell.

And before she had the chance to say anything back he had released her hand, entered his room and closed the door.

Her heart was beating so hard, the sound almost deafening in her ears. Confusing feelings fluttering in her stomach and causing her to feel lightheaded and nauseous. She ran up the stairs and threw herself on the bed, hiding her face in her pillow


	4. Chapter 4

Hi,

The intense summer heat that has plagued us here in Sweden for the past week finally cooled down and brought us rain and thunder. So, me and the kids have spent the day indoors, watching movies, giving me plenty of time to edit this chapter. Yay!

Warning: this fic contains alcohol abuse, infertility, miscarriage, angst, fluff and lemons. Don't read if not your cup of tea!

Dear JKRowling , All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are yours and yours alone. I am merely building a very tiny shrine in tribute to the beloved world that you created.

* * *

**Wednesday, July 10, 2002**

Life was easy… carefree and the routine they had established was comfortable. They had found a balance where stimulating conversation never dipped over into uncomfortable territories but he was starting to grow restless, maybe it was the heat..

Summer had arrived and the beginning of july marked more than a month of staying with her. He never wanted it to end. Life had paused and the world had stopped spinning. All that existed was him and her and the house.

With the summer heatwave they were currently experiencing Hermione had decided to open the kitchen back doors to allow for a breeze to pass through.

The garden in the back featured a small stone patio with steps that fell into an overgrown garden. Hermione had moved on from spending the main part of her day reading, into allotting 20% of her time to gardening. Despite their mutual lack of skills in this particular area, it was surprisingly coming around nicely.

Hermione was under the firm belief that not everything in life needs to be done by magic and preached about how using their hands would stimulate the plants more. So there he was, following her lead, on his knees in the flowerbeds.

She was driving him mad.

As he lay in bed that night sleep would not come. How long could he escape his life and stay there? When would she grow tired of him and kick him out? What would her friends say if they found out about her houseguest?

He stared at the ceiling for hours, thoughts racing through his head.

Sleep finally took him and after having slept for what felt like seconds he heard a scream. Within an instant he was wide awake and running up the stairs charging into her bedroom. There in the middle of the room, in the middle of the bed sat Hermione. Cheeks wet with tears and eyes puffy, she looked embarrassed and shocked as his gaze fell on her. But he had never seen anyone so beautiful.

"Are you alright?" He asked and let go of the door, tentatively walking across the room towards her.

She nodded and he sat down on the edge of the bed looking at her.

She blinked in surprise as he sat down on the edge of the bed but in an instant she had thrown of the covers and thrown herself into his arms seeking comfort. He stiffened at first but quickly drew her against him and onto his lap, her small soft frame melding into his embrace.

"It's okay Hermione" he whispered, "I have nightmares too". His heart was beating so hard against his ribcage, he feared that it would break through his chest. He stroke her back softly, trying to calm her and his own racing pulse... but failing miserably.

"Stay with me" she whispered against his chest so he gathered her into his arms, laid her down on the bed and crawled in next to her covering them both with the duvet.

He woke before her, his sight fading into focus revealing the woman next to him. He had his arm draped across her stomach her bare skin was warm and soft underneath it. He lifted his arm carefully so that he wouldn't wake her and felt his chest tighten as he gazed on her petite frame.

Desire stirred in him as he noticed how her white lace trim camisole had hitched up revealing a lightly tanned stomach and soft curves. She sighed in her sleep and rolled over turning away from him and revealing even more of herself in the process, 'Merlin…' why had she been hiding this all these years. He felt himself grow harder by each passing second but panicked at the realization that this was Granger he was fantasizing about.

He rose quickly and carefully from the bed and tiptoed down the stairs.

Merlin… how had bucktooth granger turned into that? He had been with plenty of women, but to know her: mind, body and soul and then see her like this. It shook him to his core.

Hermione woke to the smell of him, it surrounded her and took over her senses completely. Still drifting somewhere between dream and reality she was unsure if the smell was part of her conscious or subconscious…. and then she remembered, dreaming, screaming... and him. He had been there, he had held and comforted her.. and she had begged him to stay.

Her eyes flew open and a deep red blush crept from her chest to her face. Draco Malfoy had spent the night in her bed. She could still feel the warmth of his body radiate from the other side of the bed so he must have left just before she woke up. Why did he leave? Was he embarrassed to be in bed with her? She felt a lump form in her throat.

No, she would not go there.

She remembered how he had held her as she cried, her head against his chest, his heart beating fast underneath her. How she had held on to him and felt his arms wrap around her. How she had registered him drifting closer to her during the night, the warmth of his body against hers.

He had almost been completely naked save for a pair of boxers and she had thrown herself at him. She remembered the feel of his soft skin underneath her hands, heat and embarrassment flaring up in her at the memory. The way he had gathered her into his arms, onto his lap.

Drifting somewhere between sleep and consciousness, she imagined trailing her arms over his chest and down his strong arms, straddling his lap like a woman instead of being held like a child. She imagined his hard length pressing against her core, only two thin layers of fabric separating them. His hair falling into his eyes as he watched her in the dark. Her senses were overwhelming her she felt an intense blush form on her face and chest as she realized that this was Draco Malfoy that she was fantasizing about.

She got out of bed but instead of dressing before walking downstairs she threw a thin robe over the silk lace camisole and shorts. She blushed at how revealing they were as she realized how much of her had been on display for him but since he had already seen her, covering up made no sense.

She walked down the stairs, past his bedroom and past the bathroom where she could hear the shower running. In the kitchen she put on a fresh pot of coffee and opened the patio doors. She sat down on the stone steps and gazed out into the garden.

This is how he found her, eyes closed with the sun shining in her face. She startled at first when he sat down next to her but quickly relaxed and smiled warmly at him.

"that must have been some dream you had Granger"

The silence that followed was enough indication that this was a sore subject.

"how about.. You answer one question that I ask and then I'll tell you about my dream" she finally replied. 'ah, he had wondered when their bubble of avoiding anything uncomfortable would burst'.

"Sure" he replied

"how did you end up in my parents' house?"

"...When my mother died everything stopped making sense. The grief was tearing me apart, but... Part of me felt relief. Relief to be free... So I left. The second she drew her last breath I walked out and just kept walking." He paused, unsure of how to put his thoughts and feelings into words. He felt her small hand grasp his and found strength to continue, "After that, the guilt started eating away at me. So I buried the feelings with alcohol and just kept going""I still don't understand how you wound up at my parents' house?""Well, honestly neither do I... that had not been my intention, believe me. I had been there once, during the war.,. My father had been assigned the task of finding and.. removing… your parents. And he brought me along. I was beyond relieved to find the house empty, my father was not. Please believe me when I say that I could never have hurt them…" the hurt she now showed so clearly on her face was breaking his heart, it was breaking his heart…he squeezed her hand gently and felt immense relief when she squeezed back. "what happened to your parents? If you don't mind me asking""They are still in Australia.. during the war I obliviated them and sent them away, to protect them.. they never really forgave me for using magic on them" They sat in silence for a while,

"Hermione, you did the right thing.. sending them away was the only way you could protect them.."

"I know" she smiled and gripped his hand tighter.

"So about my dream…" she paused and he squeezed her hand trying to comfort her as she had done with him, "as you know, we suffered through infertility.. After a while we finally got pregnant and I suffered a late term miscarriage… And now I have this recurring dream where that baby is a child and I keep loosing her over and over. I tried dreamless sleep potion for a while but soon got addicted to it"

"I am so sorry, Hermione…"

"Sorry if that was oversharing… i somehow find it easier to talk to you than I ever did with my...other friends"

"you can always talk to me"

"The heartbreak of infertility and miscarriage is like a curse. I carried her.. she was there, and I could feel how alive she was. But then she was gone, and a part of my soul died. It ended up affecting not only us but our friends and families as well... The darkness spread like a contagion so I ended up caring more about protecting the people around me than seeking their support.."

"They should have realized that you were hurting and was in need of support, all on their own.."

"Well, I can put on a rather strong facade if I want to"

"Hah, I know that"

"I feel like I've failed at honoring her memory by pushing away the darkness and not dealing with the grief… it drove a wedge between me and Ron, alienated me from my friends and colleagues.. I knew that It would catch up with me eventually but I just couldn't deal"

"you seem to genuinely think that you've failed or that you're inherently broken. You are not. You've suffered through something terrible and you have to let that hurt, but life is not all about procreation…" he wanted to shake her, make her understand what he was saying, but he simply resorted to draping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. Tears were now streaming down her face but as she looked up at him she started laughing.

"Hah! Ha hah! Look at us Malfoy, we used to be so strong"

"there's strength in vulnerability too" he tried to save face, but ended up laughing as well.

After a while, Hermione excused herself, but bent down and placed a soft kiss on his cheek before she disappeared inside the house and up the stairs to her bedroom. She locked the door and shrugged off her shorts and camisole, stretching out on the bed that still smelled like him. He was such an enigma, how was this the same Draco Malfoy that had once tormented her..

she felt like an enormous weight had shifted off her. How could she open up to him like this? She barely knew him… But that was not really true anymore. During the past month that he had been staying with her they had probably talked more than she had ever talked with Ron since getting to know him in first year. His presence was comforting, his answers always spot on and her heartbeat sped up whenever she thought of him. Her lips were from kissing the light stubble on his cheek. She had done that on pure instinct and blushed as she touched her fingers to her lips.

She dressed in a red cotton wrap dress and went downstairs.

She came to halt outside the guest room, and stood there for a while staring at the locked door that was located next to it. With a eave of her hand she heard the door click open.

She had not entered this room for years. The sunlight filtering through the dusty shutters illuminated every speck of dust that was floating in the air, she walked towards. The crib that was standing along the left wall and let her hand glide along the smooth maple railing. A tear fell from her cheek and landed on her hand as it gripped the wood firmly.

This was supposed to be the baby's room. She transfigured s piece of cardboard she found on the floor into a box and shrunk the crib so that it was small enough to fit. Not much else was left to pack up but she clutched the pale pink blanket and held it to her cheek before folding it gently and placing it in the box next to the crib. The pain in her chest was still throbbing but dulled slightly as she vanished the box and its content to the attic and left the room, this time she did not lock the door.

She was gone for longer than he had expected and he had just started wondering where she had disappeared to as she reappeared. She had dressed in a red dress and her cheeks were flushed and her feet bare. She smiled at him in acknowledgment and started walking to and forth in front of the bookcase, reaching for titles that were almost out of her reach, her skirt pulling up with every stretch.

He put his book down and got up towards her, "need a helping hand" he whispered and placed his left hand on the small of her back, his right hand gracing her stretched out hand as he moved to get the book down for her.

"De-gnoming your garden?" He asked as he placed the book in her hand "new interest of yours?"

"Oh.. you know me, champion for all magical creatures" she answered quickly and blushed.

He let his hand fall from the small of her back lightly gracing downwards as his hand fell but removing his hand at the last minute. He returned to his seat and picked up his book, pretending to read. She stood there staring after him. His touch had seared a burning path down the small of her back and her heart was beating so fast again. Why did his touch affect her like this? Ron touching her had never affected her that way at all, and they had been husband and wife. He had been her first and only lover.. but never this spark. She had always thought the spark was a myth, but here she was, stomach fluttering, heart hammering, sparking.

She moved to sit on her chaise lounge and pretended to read, looking at him over the top of her book. Sometimes their eyes would meet, spark. And she would hide behind the book again.

"That book must be very interesting" he mocked and hid a smirk behind his book.

"Very" came her curt reply.

"Care to share some?"

"Not really"

He had to swallow a laugh, This was getting ridiculous.

After a while She put down her book and disappeared into the kitchen. When she hadn't returned a while later he got up and went to look for her.

He found her sitting at bottom step in the garden where only an hour ago she had bared her soul to him. Her bare feet we're treading in the grass in front of he and she looked nervous.

"Hi" he said quietly and moved to sit next to her again, she had her eyes closed and face turned towards the sun again

He watched her for a moment and then moved to brush a stray curl from her face.

Her eyes flew open, startled.

The sun was illuminating his hair and his eyes now a light, swirling grey. He was so beautiful.. a man should not be this beautiful. He tucked the hair behind her ear and caressed along her jaw.. he leaned forward, checking her face for any indication that his advance was unwelcome, and suddenly his lips met hers. It was a quick, soft kiss and before he had time to register the feeling properly she had removed her lips and was now staring out into the garden her face blushing the same deep red as her dress.

He watched her for a moment, amazed at seeing this shy and insecure paradox to war heroine Hermione Granger.

The imprint of his lips was still searing on her lips so she moved to catch his chin and turned his face towards her, grey eyes meeting brown.

"I… I am.." he began to speak but was silenced before he could finish by her lips.

The kiss was soft and sweet, full of forgiveness, promise and spark.

As his lips left hers, her eyes fluttered open and she found his face mere inches from hers, his previously light and swirling grey eyes now holding a storm. He was smiling almost shyly at her and the fluttering in her stomach twisted downwards, igniting her core.

She raised her hand and stroked gently across his cheek, soft stubble rasping against her fingertips. She raised her hand up towards his hair, treading her fingers carefully through his silky tresses and then moving her hand back down again across his cheek and letting her thumb brush softly against his bottom lip.

"Hi," she whispered and blushed

"Hi yourself" he chuckled and let his hand move across her cheek just as she had done moments ago. There were so many things about her that he hadn't noticed before. She had a light dusting of freckles on her nose, light brown freckles. And a dimple in her right cheek whenever she smiled. Her eyes were not just brown but almost honey colored. He moved his hand across her soft cheek and grabbed hold of a lock of hair, twisting it around his finger, marvelling at the softness and pulling it straight until he let it bounce back.

"I've always wanted to do that" he laughed and kissed her cheek as she frowned at him.

"Really?"

"Yes," he smiled, "ever since you punched me in third year… your hair was wild, and I could almost see it sparking with magic as your anger radiated out towards me."

"Sorry" she mumbled and dropped her gaze.

"No you're not, and neither am I.. for one, I deserved it and second, you were magnificent"

"I was angry"

"No you were more than just angry, you were furious and fierce and you dared to put me in my place… so unlike any other woman I've ever met"

"So you like to be dominated" she teased and laughed

"Is that an offer?"

he chucklef snd moved to kneel in front of her, hand brushing up her arm, over her clavicle and grabbing hold of her chin, he tilted her head to she side. " please stop me if this is unwelcome or if I am moving too fast" he whispered as he bent forward and trailed kisses along her neck. "i've always admired your neck, you almost never wore your hair up so on the rare occasion that you did i could never keep myself from staring at you.. wondering what it would taste like to kiss you there" he inhaled her scent, breath ghosting across her skin now breaking out in a trail of goosebumps that he kissed along, to the pulse point under her ear. She had to bite her tongue to keep herself from moaning out loud.

"Ever since this morning when I woke to the sight of you wearing that transparent excuse of pyjamas i've wanted to taste every inch of your skin" his eyes were burning into hers, dark with desire. He let a finger trace down her neck and in between her breasts, pushing her cleavage sideways but hesitating, waiting for a go.

Unable to articulate her wish properly her mouth simply fell open and she nodded quickly to urge him on.. his other hand had reached for the fastening of her dress and started pulling it loose. He pushed the dress to the side, exposing one breast after the other. Her arms moved to cover herself but he grabbed hold of her wrists and gently pulled her arms away

"Let me see you" he whispered, his gaze caressing the shape of her as he leaned closer, his breath tickling her skin before he started placing feather light kisses down between her breasts and over her stomach. He let go of her wrists, kissing each in turn as he did and with her arms free she pulled him up towards her catching his lips in s searing kiss.

"Hermione?!" A voice yelled from above them and she jumped up from the stairs, covering herself with the dress and pushing Draco in the process. He fell onto the grass with a thud.

"Harry! what the hell?!"


	5. Chapter 5

Hi, my original plan was to keep the chapters around 3000words. but I am failing at that and so far evert new chapter is longer than one before it. is this annoying? if so, please tell me.

Warning: this fic contains alcohol abuse, infertility, miscarriage, angst, fluff and lemons. Don't read if not your cup of tea!

Dear JKRowling , All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are yours and yours alone. I am merely building a very tiny shrine in tribute to the beloved world that you created.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Could Harry possibly have chosen a worse time to check in on her?! Well, he could have arrived minutes later and caught them for real but urgh, why?

"Harry! What the hell?!" She yelled and ran into the house following him. Harry was leaning against a bookcase laughing when she caught up with him, "...Why are you here?" She yelled and pushed his shoulder.

"Wh..whyy am I here?!" He laughed and rubbed his shoulder, "I came to check on you since no one has heard anything from you in weeks!" he glared at her, "we don't do that by the way! We stay in touch because we CARE"

"Sorry, Harry" she mumbled and blushed, still clutching her dress to her chest with a vice hard grip.

"But I clearly saw that you were being.. taken care off, So I can go back home and tell Ginny just that" he laughed but then stopped and frowned, "who the hell was that 'Mione?"

"Eh..long story…"

"Long story? Well, now I have to see…" Harry tore away from the bookcase he had been leaning against and rushed past her, back towards the garden.

"No! Harry wait, I can explain!" She rushed after him but stopped in her tracks just as she entered the kitchen, almost slamming into Harry's back where he stood, frozen. Draco was standing at the kitchen counter, hair mussed and clothing rumpled.

"Hermione, what is he doing here?"

"Long story…" she mumbled, eyes fixated on her toes.

"tell me that you are not shagging Draco sodding Malfoy?" He seethed through clenched jaws.

"Well, technically…" she started but was cut off by Draco's drawl,

"Potter… good to see you"

"Why is he here Hermione?!" Harry yelled

"Unlike you, I was invited" Draco mocked and she could see how Harry's fists tightened, knuckles turning white. He turned towards Hermione and seethed,

"I'm going home, please come by soon and explain.. this.." he lowered his gaze and stormed off towards the floo.

Hermione slumped onto the kitchen floor. What a mess. Harry would tell Ginny and Ginny had never been able to keep her mouth shut.. so sooner or later it would reach Ron who would be furious. Not that he had any right to have an opinion on how or with whom she chose to spend her time.

Draco approached her where she was sitting on the floor and knelt down next to her.

"You look beautiful" he whispered and traced his finger along her bare skin. Her dress had fallen open as she sat down and she was just as exposed as she had been before they were interrupted. She half expected him to continue where he left off and it caught her by surprise when he carefully closed her dress and tied the ribbon in place. She furrowed her brow in confusion and he chuckled.

"I would love to keep ravishing you right here... but not now, not like this... not when you are upset" he kissed her forehead and took hold of her hands, pulling her with him as he stood.

"It seems like we both have things we have neglected" he continued, eyes now downcast.. a furrow in his brow,

"Go speak to Potter, I have some things I need to sort out.."

"Wha.." was he leaving? She felt her chest constrict uncomfortably, tears welling into her eyes, "are you leaving?"

His shoulders slumped.

"Merlin Hermione. I am falling for you.. but before we take this any further i need to figure stuff out. I can't move forward without it... I..I'm sorry"

Her heart stopped in her chest, she was sure of it. Any second she would fall over, dead. He was leaving.

"Please Hermione, I need this… you deserve more, and I need to understand myself before I can even begin to let you in"

"You like me?"

"Yes"

"Like, like me?"

"Granger!" He exclaimed in frustration and she startled, eyes wide, before sliding down onto the kitchen floor again. He knelt in front of her and grabbed her hand.

"There's no one that has ever managed to infuriate me as much as you, you fascinate and amaze me... but we have nothing we can build on yet. I can't even take care of myself, let alone you, like this. can I come back here later?"

"Oh, of course" she blushed and he pulled her into his embrace. He breathed in her scent, memorizing each note. "staying with you, here, has been an escape. But before we take this any further I… need to stop escaping" he kissed her softly on the lips and looked into her eyes. "I'll be in touch".

"The wards will let you through" She blushed. "Come back"

He smiled. With a quick turn, he had left through the kitchen door, into the sitting room and disappeared through the floo.

Hermione felt dizzy.

He liked her. How did that happen? That they had chemistry had been apparent the second they accidentally touched. But how could anyone like someone barren and broken like that? Well apparently... he could.

Did she like him? Yes, yes she did.

The night he arrived on her doorstep had been a particularly hard night and she had felt hopelessly alone. Was that the reason she let him stay? How desperate for companionship was she? Was any of what she was feeling real?

The past month had been weird... like they had been living in a dimension of their own creation, a soothing and carefree routine separate from life. A blip.

The world had not stopped, the world had turned on without them.

That evening she walked through the floo and into her sitting room and slumped into her chaise lounge rubbing her eyes tiredly. The day had been so long and draining.

left for Harry and Ginny's house.

"Well, well, well… someone's been a bad girl!" Came ginny's sing-song voice as soon as she exited the fireplace And entered the receiving area in the Potters new Godric's Hollow home. Hermione blushed and busied herself with brushing the soot off her clothes.

"You still forget that you're a witch sometimes" Ginny sighed and with a quick wave of her wand all of the soot had been vanished.

"Where's Harry?"

"I sent him and the kids to the burrow. I assumed you'd be here soon and that you'd be in as much need of a girl talk as I am interested in all of the juicy details" she blinked and grabbed Hermione's hand, pulling her along into the sitting room.

"Harry is fine by the way, a little shocked but he'll just need to process it.. now, first wine and then spill!"

Ginny poured each of them a big glass of red wine and sat down opposite her, "so, spill!"

"Spill what?"

"Oh cut the crap, Hermione!" Ginny exclaimed "how did you meet him? Where has he been since he disappeared? How hot is he? How's the sex?"

So Hermione had told her how he ended up on her doorstep rain-drenched and broken. How she had lied and covered for him. How they had spent time together reading, enjoying each other's quiet company. How they had grown closer. How she had been unable to stop thinking about him. How sharing the solitude with him had been so comforting and how she wished he could hold her every night as he had after her nightmare.

How they had finally kissed and how they had been interrupted by harry. How he had told her how he felt, and how he had left to sort himself out without knowing when he would return.

Telling Ginny gave her some perspective on everything. She explained how her life had felt meaningless and empty, how she had felt so desperate and disconnected that she never even thought twice about sheltering him. His broken appearance had so reflected the way she felt inside and taking care of someone else for a change had felt oddly cathartic.

"Cut yourself some slack, Hermione... If a hunk of a man is what you need to heal then go for it"

"That is not.."

"Hermione," Harry interrupted her,

"Harry, when did you get here?"

"Sorry, I never meant to eavesdrop. I think what my darling wife is saying, is…if he has helped you heal then we are grateful for it, but slow down and be careful… There is something weird about him crashing at your parents' house and then staying with you…"

"I invited him in"

"Yes, I know that. Cho told me"

"Yes but"

"You are not yourself, and I get it…how could you possibly be? But trusting beyond all rhyme and reason like this is not safe…

"Just be careful, I know.." she tried to wave them off, "I'm going home, and the next time you arrive unannounced, call first before you go stomping through my house". And with a huff, she left through the floo.

The house was quiet and dark when she arrived home. How was it evening already? Where was Draco now, and what was he doing?

She sat down on her chaise lounge and within seconds she had dozed off.

The walls he had built in his mind always looked like the Malfoy manor facade. Tall, dark and haunting.  
One of the house-elves, Babrey, was standing at the entrance, staring at him..  
he had sensed his masters arrival the second he arrived past the wards.  
"Master, won't you come inside?" The small squeaky voice called out to him but he stood there, frozen.  
He didn't know where or how to start.  
"Babrey... show me my mothers' grave"

Narcissa's grave was very unbecoming of a Malfoy wife, of any wizard really. Without directives from their masters, the elves had simply buried her as they do their own. He could only smile at how appalled Narcissa would have been at the mere suggestion. But here she was, in the middle of her beloved rose-garden.  
House elves bury their dead above ground, they build a mound of dirt above the body and then traditionally decorate it with wildflowers and rocks.  
Narcissa's grave was covered in narcissus flowers. And it was strangely beautiful.  
"Thank you Babrey," he told the elf.  
"I is sorry Master, we is not able to access the Malfoy tomb.. the wards"  
"I understand, thank you"

It really almost made sense for her to be buried here, she could never be laid to rest next to his father anyway... His father had been buried in true Azkaban fashion in the ocean outside the prison. And had probably been torn apart by sharks. Part of him hoped so but he felt nauseated at the thought.

He entered the manor from the conservatory entrance that was located next to the rose garden and walked the halls of the manor aimlessly. How had this place once felt like home? Now that his mother and father were gone this was all his but he felt like a stranger there.

After a while he arrived at his father's study and on reflex, he knocked before entering. The hollow echo of the knock reverberated throughout the room. And he waited for silence to fall completely again before he dared to step into the room.

The room was decorated entirely in dark cherry wood, and scrolls of parchment and heavy tomes littered the desk as if Lucius had only stepped out for a moment and would return any second. In the corner of the room stood an armoire that Draco knew the content off all too well. The armoire had once been heavily warded but he could sense that the wards, as they were not blood wards but of Lucius own creation, must have fallen when he left this mortal plane.

The armoire door creaked as he opened it. And there it was, his father's pensieve. He approaches it cautiously, eying the memories that were swirling there. With a flick of his wand, the door to the study clicked shut and locked. Then he dove in.

As the memory came into focus he noticed that he was standing in a clearing in woods at dusk. Further away in the clearing he saw a couple kneeling in front of another. He saw the wizard standing raise his wand, a stream of light encompassed the couple and he heard the male speak "On my magic And the ancient blood that is coursing through our veins, I vow to always love you. I vow to cherish you and honor you. I am yours and you are mine, from this day and for all eternity"

As he approached them another burst of light encompassed the couple, properly illuminating their faces. His mother and father were gazing adoringly at each other, and as his mother spoke tears started rolling down his cheeks. Mother.

"On my magic and the ancient blood that is coursing through our veins, I vow to always put our family first. I vow to cherish you and support you in all your endeavors. I am yours and you are mine, from this day and for all eternity".

They were so young and carefree. He wanted to reach out and touch them but the memory just rippled around his outstretched hand. The memory grew foggy and another memory presented itself, as the fog cleared he was standing in the manor garden, a small boy ran past squealing with joy followed by… Lucius. So the small boy was him. Baby Draco toppled over into the grass and Lucius to knelt down and tickled him, blowing raspberries all over his exposed stomach. His mother stood a short distance away and was shaking with laughter, clutching her stomach. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes twinkling with tears of joy. He approached her cautiously. This Narcissa was so different from how he remembered her, her cheeks were rounder, her eyes bright, an expression of genuine joy on her face. Tears were rolling freely down his cheeks now so he left the pensieve only to break down on the floor next to the armoire.

He missed her so much and felt so much hatred for his father. How could he drag his wife and son into a world of servitude, blindly following the orders of a madman?

He rose from the floor, raised his wand and siphoned the memories from the pensieve and into a glass vial located next to it.

He then walked over to the drink cart that stood in front of the window and poured himself a glass of firewhiskey from his father's finest.

Hermione. He wanted nothing more than to run back into her comforting embrace, put the world on hold and hide forever.

He returned to the pensieve and extracted a memory, placing the silver strand carefully in the basin. He watched it swirl there for a while before he repeated the procedure again, and then again.

After a while the basin was full of Swirling memories, so he downed his drink before he dove in for the second time.

Hogwarts materialized before him, and there she was. Hermione. She was sitting alone in the library, fast asleep. Head resting on an open book. Her hair was wild and she had an ink smear on her forehead. This memory was from first year. He had been beyond obsessed with Potters brilliant friend. She was the complete opposite of what he had expected a mudblood to be. It confused and angered him. If Malfoys were so superior how come she bests him in every class.

The memory faded and another one materialized, he was laughing with his friends when her fist suddenly made contact with his face. He winced at the sound, remembering how much it hurt.

The third memory showed Hermione in her periwinkle dress, looking so beautiful, he had felt incredibly jealous of Krum and tried to cover these feelings with angry, hurtful words… but had failed miserably.

The memories were swirling by in quick succession now. Hermione laughing with her friends. Hermione asleep in the library. Hermione crying. Hermione being fierce and brave, as always.

The seventh memory that appeared made his blood run cold.

Lucius was sitting at his desk in his study, drinking. this was during the late summer of -97. Lucius' hair was long and lackluster. his cheeks were hollow and his eyes dark.

"We have received a new task. The dark lord wants to lure the Granger girl out of hiding. We are to… procure... the bait" His father instructed. "We are to arrive at their house in Hampstead tomorrow at dawn and they are to be taken alive. This will restore our rightful position in favor of our lord"

He looked terrified and for a second his father caught a glimpse of the feelings he so desperately tried to hide behind walls. His father exploded in anger and sent a "levicorpus!" his way. Before he had a chance to protect himself or put up walls his father entered his mind.

"You FOOL of a boy! Feeling dirty feelings for a mudblood. She is VERMIN, and vermin shall be exterminated. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" He seethed, shaking with rage. He released Draco from his spell and as soon as his body hit the ground, with a resounding thud, he stepped on Dracos face. Lucius bent down and whispered in his ear, "You are to purge yourself of all these thoughts, or I will let Bellatrix do it for you. And we know how convincing she can be when she wants to." He chuckled. "Crucio!"...

The memory began to fog over as his body started writhing on the floor.

The final memory showed a house on a calm street in Hampstead. He arrived first and his Father seconds after him. it was quiet and the streetlights illuminated a row of manicured lawns and tidy flowerbeds. The Granger house was larger than he had pictured it.. and nicer. He put up walls to hide any emotions.

They entered the house in silence. He remembered how he immediately sensed that something was off, and he could see the realization flash past on his face. The house was empty, thank Merlin. The house was almost completely abandoned. His father screamed and started blasting the house apart. On the floor next to the stairs laid a framed picture. And he saw himself bend and pick it up. He should never have done that. Lucius snatched the photo from his hands and set it on fire before he cast a "Crucio!" his way. His eyes were fixated on the burning photograph as he laid there writhing on the floor. His father was looking at him with disgust seared onto his face. The memory faded and he felt the pull of leaving the pensieve, as the sky above the Granger house illuminated with the dark mark.

Part of him had died that night. The part that would have stood by his father trough anything. And essentially it saved him.

He poured himself another drink and took a sip before placing the drink down and turning on the spot, apparating.

When he arrived in her sitting room, dawn was already breaking outside the window, the house was dark and he crept up the stairs quietly. As he neared her bedroom the door swung open and there she stood. Dressed again in her lace trim camisole and shorts. She was stunning, sleep tousled, hair wild and lips swollen.

In three quick strides, he had gathered her into his embrace, kissing her passionately. the deep moan that escaped her was like fuel to his fire. His need was overwhelming, all consuming.

He kissed down the familiar trail from her neck and down in between her breasts, desperate for more of her taste when hermione nudged him.

"Draco… are you ok?"

"I… I… no. I need you"

"Okay, you have me. But slow down"

She pulled the camisole over her head and stepped closer so that they were skin to skin, her breasts pressed against him as pushed him onto the bed and climbed onto his lap, straddling him.

"I have been fantasizing about this" she whispered and kissed him, suckling and nipping at his bottom lip, questing for him to deepen the kiss. As he did she ground her hips into him, aligning his hard length at the apex of her thighs and moaned loudly at the contact. The sound she made drove him wild, he grabbed her waist roughly, possibly bruising her skin, and twisted them so that she lay underneath him on the bed. He trailed kisses down her neck and paused at each breast, tasting and kissing, running his tongue in circles around her pebbled peaks

"Please Draco" she moaned and bucked her hips against him again, desperate for friction.

"I want to taste you" he whispered against her skin as he started trailing kisses lower, down her stomach and pausing at the waistline of her shorts.

"Yes" her voice soft and low, they made eye contact in the dark and he kept her gaze as he hooked his fingers around the waistband of her shorts and pulled them down, she raised her hips as they slid over her bum and blushed as she was now completely exposed to him. He raised himself up and sat back on his haunches and marvelled at the sight before him. Her eyes, glittering in the darkness, her wild curls haloed around her head and her cheeks flushed. He trailed his hand up along her leg as he hovered over her and caught her gaze again just as his fingers reached her inner thighs. He lifted his hand and trailed his finger along her wet slit before he placed kisses down her stomach. Hooking his arms underneath her thighs, he froze, his gaze meeting hers while his labored breathing ghosted over her, making her with every breath.

"Please" she moaned and he obliged by licking from her opening to the top. Her legs fell open and he took the moan that escaped her as an invitation to intensify his actions. Hermione writhed underneath him and he gripped firmly around her thighs to steady her. Her hands which had been gripping the sheets firmly started tangling into his hair, his cool silk tresses a paradox to the heat that was building in her. She used his hair as reins, dragging his mouth to the spots that gave her the most pleasure.

Her taste was amazing, and the sounds she made.

He was rock hard and driving his hips forcefully into her mattress as she moved underneath him. But her pleasure came first. He would focus completely on her, his pleasure only building if he forced himself to wait. He let his finger dip into her velvety depth, eliciting series of incoherent moans from her. He entered her with another finger, testing, feeling, stretching. She was so tight. As he curled his fingers upwards, teasing against her sensitive spot whilst sucking on her clit she started trembling underneath him.

"Oh fuck" she yelled as she came apart, walls fluttering around his fingers. She was trembling in the aftermath, as he moved up the bed to lay beside her. But she quickly recovered And moved to free him from his pants before she straddled him, sinking down onto him. He wanted to scream out his pleasure, it was almost painful and the sight before him would be seared into his mind for all eternity. He sat up and started moving with her, rocking together in a rhythm, rising, falling. The pleasure intensifying with every movement. So warm and tight.

He cried out her name as he came apart and she held him to her chest as their heartbeats were fighting to regain their usual rhythm.

They fell asleep in each others arms, completely spent and deeply satisfied.

* * *

So, this was my first attempt at writing smut. I feel slightly embarassed doing it but I feel that it adds depth to the relationship to include it. plus, some lemons are fun, right?

still, hope this was more sexy fun than "my dad wrote a porno" fun.

x


	6. Chapter 6

Hi, so me and hubby had our 5th wedding anniversary! We left the kids with their grandparents and checked into a beautiful hotel. But we ended up canceling our dinner reservations in favor of spending lots of time in bed, grabbing takeout for dinner and then building Lego together.

Warning: this fic contains alcohol abuse, infertility, miscarriage, angst, fluff, and lemons. Don't read if not your cup of tea!

Dear JKRowling, All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are yours and yours alone. I am merely building a very tiny shrine in tribute to the beloved world that you created.

* * *

It took him a while to realize where he was. As he lay there and cursed the headache that was splitting his head and covered his eyes to shut out the glaring sunlight, the memories of the night before came flooding back. His father's study, the pensieve, his parents… Hermione. A dull ache settled in his chest. Hermione. Beautiful, caring, Hermione. He felt like shit.

He wanted to do… proper. She deserved proper, and here he came, barging in and skipping about a thousand courting milestones. He let his hands drop from his face, the sharp light meeting his eyes again. He sat up slowly and reached for his trousers on the floor and withdrew his wand casting a pain relief spell in an attempt to reduce his splitting headache. It worked for about a second before the throbbing started again.

A soft knock was heard and the bedroom door slid open.

"Hey," Hermione smiled shyly as she entered the room and her smile shone brighter than the fucking sun. "I Brought you coffee". She was wearing his shirt from the day before and her hair was gathered into a messy braid. She looked breathtaking and he was probably staring.

"thanks" He replied and tried to collect himself, grabbing the steaming cup from her outstretched hands.

"Well, you're worse for wear than I thought you'd be" She laughed and sat down on the side of the bed. He glared at her.  
"Seriously Hermione, Don't" he groaned and rubbed his temples.

"I also brought you a headache relief potion,"

She replied and bit her lip to keep from laughing, "you drink that and then you can tell me what happened yesterday".

He downed the vial and hung his head while the potion took effect, he then looked up at her through his messy hair and smirked. Looking oddly cute in his disheveled state.

He proceeded with telling her about the manor and his mother's grave. The pensieve, his father's memories and then... his own.

"Hermione," he started but then fell silent again, running his hand through his hair and sighing, "I need to…"

She felt her breath hitch as she nodded for him to continue.

"I.. I've… why is this so hard?" he sighed, "Merlin Hermione. I am sorry for coming here and taking advantage of you.. I... I know that I was an arse when I was younger and a lot of that was me compensating for these.. feelings that I was not allowed to have… I just want you to know how sorry I am"

"you're sorry?" she replied but was cut short

"You deserve so much more than this"

"No" Hermione simply stated and crossed her arms in front of her chest, her jaw set and a furrow in her brow, "No, you are not allowed to do that"

"do what? He replied, confused.

"You are not allowed to turn last night into something bad, That is such a Ron thing to do… No. I won't let you"

"Are you comparing me to…?

"Don't, ok?" She looked at him with big, open eyes and a hurt expression.

"Ok"

they sat in silence. After a while, Hermione scooted closer to him on the bed, removed his cup of coffee from his hand and draped his arm around her shoulders, nestling into his side.

"I will not let you ruin what we shared just because you're feeling insecure,"

Hermione looked over at the window, seemingly deep in thought.. "this scares me too, okay? You've turned my world upside down."

The air was heavy as their eyes connected, he felt her breath tickle his neck as she looked up timidly at him

"So, these feelings?" She continued, "was the Mighty Draco Malfoy crushing on the forbidden mudblood"

"Yes. But don't, ever, refer to yourself as… That"

"and now?"

"now I am crushing more than ever"

He held her tightly and kissed the top of her head so she snuggled closer into his warmth.

"I've never.. had anyone that cares for me the way you do, I… no one ever let me be me.." he sighed, his words reverberating against her ear where she lay snuggled against his chest. "Not even my parents"

They sat in quiet for a while cuddled up on the bed, the thudding of his heart soothing against her ear.

"I am tired," he finally broke the quiet with a whisper. She raised her gaze to meet his and replied,

"So, let's sleep…and when we wake we'll make a list" she smiled and stretched to kiss his lips softly.

"A list?" He questioned

"Yes…" she smiled brightly, "of where we go from here"

They fell asleep in each other's arms, each wondering about the future and what was in store for them.

"So, first things first… what is it that you do?" Hermione questioned.

She was sitting on the kitchen counter cradling a glass of red wine while Draco cleared away the dishes after dinner.

"Nothing really" he replied, a slight blush flashed across his face.. probably unnoticeable if one was not paying attention, it made her smile "after the house arrest I never really got around to choosing a career"

"Well that is just unacceptable…" she laughed. He looked slightly offended and glared at her. "You don't have to pick a career as long as you do something worthwhile… I am assuming that the Malfoy vaults are still… intact?"

"Of course they are, the ministry penalties we were charged with hardly made a dent, thank merlin"

"Then you can do whatever you want really!" She beamed and handed him a glass of wine as he finished putting away the dishes.

"What was your best subject in school?"

"Potions… I think that was the only subject where I beat you, and no: Favoritism does not affect our O.W.L. And N.E.W.T. Scores"

She laughed, eyes sparkling and. Shook her head in disagreement.

"So… you could start a potion-company… a mail-order service?" His scrunched nose was enough of a no to that question. "St Mungos are always in need of brewers of their more complex healing potions, that's a different route.. or since you have the ability to work without pay, you could go into research.."

He took a sip of wine and set down his glass on the counter and watched her. Suddenly he felt like he was 13 again, standing in front of this marvel of messy curls and sparkling eyes. Hermione was always at her best when she had a cause and he didn't mind being her cause as long as it made her happy. He moved closer and grabbed the glass from her hands and placed it on the counter next to his.

"You are amazing" he breathed against her neck as he bent forward and trailed kisses up towards her chin.

"You are incorrigible, we have lists to complete!" She laughed, "also, that tickles…"

He stopped kissing her and raised his head to look into her eyes.

"Ooh you could set up a lab here in the basement if you'd like"

"I have a lab back at the manor.."

"Oh…" she frowned, a blush slowly creeping up her chest "I just thought…"

"I want to stay here" he assured her, "I can move the lab as soon as possible"

"I'd love that" she blushed deeply. Was she being to forward? They had not defined their relationship, and everything was happening so quickly… But it felt right, having him here made the house feel like a home.

"Hermione, relax... I can practically see the thoughts turning in your head"

"You… this, it scares me. Everything is happening so fast"

"I know" he replied and pulled her closer, "I don't have answers, we'll just have to figure… us out as we go along"

"Don't hurt me," she whispered as she held him closer, her face inches away from his, her breath tickling against his lips.

"Likewise" he replied and kissed her. She moaned at the contact he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, moving his tongue against hers first softly, then more fervently as she responded. He trailed his hand around her neck and grabbed hold of the hair at the base of her neck, gripping it softly but firmly, guiding her against him.

She broke contact and looked into his eyes, her cheeks flushed and her eyes alight.

"You can keep making lists if you want, I have better things to do". She was still dressed in his shirt and a pair of torn jeans, he started undoing the buttons, slowly... "Really, Hermione, keep writing… it kind of turns me on" he flashed his signature smirk and she felt the familiar tingle of arousal move down with every button that he opened. He placed soft kisses to every exposed bit of skin, and as the shirt fell open he stepped back and marveled at the sight. She was curvy, but petite.. and her skin appeared almost tanned against his.

He cupped her breasts, kissing and licking at each in turn

"How's the list coming along" he whispered, his breath ghosting against her peak, her nipple hardening as his breath ghosted over her.

"oh, eh.. the list.." She breathed above him... "you are distracting me!"

"Write what you want"

"I...I uh, oh" She gasped as he unbuttoned her jeans and trailed his finger along her underwear, pressing against the top. "You were good at everything in school, weren't you?" He asked and continued rubbing against her through her underwear.

"Yes"

"And you became an Auror?"  
"Yes, it made sense at the time" she replied breathily.

"What about now?" He asked as he pushed the panties towards the side and let his fingers glide through her slick folds, humming appreciatively.

"Ohh, Now I, uh… no, not anymore"

"So, quit?" She threw her head back and moaned softly as he inserted his fingers into her velvety depths while simultaneously drawing circles around her swollen clit.

He stifled a laugh as he heard her curse quietly to herself as she drew her head back up, curls falling into her eyes that were now dark with lust.

"You can do anything, People would line up to work with you… find your passion" he urged her as he found the spot on the front wall and caused her to throw her head back again, bucking her hips against his hand. Waves of pleasure were rippling inside her, cresting higher and higher. she was hardly able to register Draco's voice anymore as he kept guiding her towards release.

"Please Draco" she moaned and started tugging his t-shirt lose before unbuttoning his pants. Their movements were desperate, frantic as she removed his clothes and he hers. She grabbed hold of his hard length, feeling the soft skin tense underneath her hand, before guiding it towards her center. He felt so warm against her, almost burning, as he pressed inside, slowly filling, stretching her.

They were completely still for a while, silently marveling at the feeling of being joined, until she bucked her hips against him, urging him to go deeper, to move. He held her thighs tightly as he started moving inside her, slowly first but soon found a steady rhythm and pace. She draped her arms around him, holding him tighter against her, moaning, kissing and whimpering against his neck.

He lifted her from the counter and still joined, carried her through the door and into the sitting room, laying them down on one of the twin chaises.

Once joined their need was not as intense and they were each taking their time to feel and learn each other's bodies, searching, cresting and finding their way to release.

Hermione felt blissfully relaxed as they laid there on the chaise lounge in the sitting room that she had spent so many nights alone and in pain. She was laying on her side tucked into his embrace, head on his chest, right above his heart. The contrast was dizzying and she felt an anxious pang in her chest at the thought of ever feeling like that again.

Would this last? Would she end up back here alone and broken?

She trailed her hand through the sparse hair on his chest as she listened to his heartbeat slowing down.

"What are you thinking about?" He murmured and held her closer.

"us"

"I like us" he chuckled

"Me too" she laughed

"So where do we go from here?" He asked and wandlessly summoned the list from the kitchen, parchment and quill came flying towards them.

"Impressive Malfoy" she laughed as she caught the pen and parchment, sitting up she spread the parchment on his chest and started writing.

_Draco: _

_research, potions, lab._

_Hermione:_

_Healing_

As soon as she put the words on paper it made perfect sense. She had always wanted a career in healing but the war sidetracked all plans and healing became a necessity rather than a career.

When She finished writing his eyes were closed and he appeared to be sleeping.

"Draco?"

"Mmhm"

"will you read this?"

He opened his eyes, his grey searching hers. He then sat up next to her and grabbed the parchment from her hand. He read it in silence, and then looked up at her with a smile on his face.

"Perfect," he smiled. "Any particular field of interest or general?"

"I was thinking reproductive medicine, fertility" She blushed, "It makes sense you know, muggles have doctors and hospitals dedicated specifically to reproductive medicine.. but us wizards have nothing but myths and herb potions. What If we, well I… unless you want to help... combine them?" She was rambling and felt her heart flutter nervously as he stared at her.

"You are brilliant, I will follow where you lead" He kissed her and took the parchment from her, "may I?"

She nodded in approval and watched as he scribbled on the parchment underneath their future careers. When he finished he handed her the parchment.

"Y..you want to be my boyfriend?"

He nodded and he reached to cup her face, eyes darkening, "yes" he whispered, his voice breaking slightly.

"yes," she replied and felt tears collecting in her eyes, her sight blurring slightly at the edges. "I want that too, but I need to tell you something first... okay?" She removed his hand from her cheek, cradling it softly between her hands.

"I… wherever this relationship may lead, I will not be able to give you children... I cannot go through trying and hoping and breaking again. so if that's a deal-breaker, then…."

"It's not, I can't give you any promises about never wanting kids, but here and now: all I want is you"

"But what if that becomes a deal-breaker in a few years?"

"But what if you grow tired of my morning moods or end up loathing my hot temper… honestly Hermione… couples fall apart for any number of things and I never want to make promises like that and then break them." He grabbed the quill from next to her on the chaise and started writing

_I vow never to run or hide._

_I vow to always be open and share my feelings._

_I vow to always put you first._

_Wherever the future may lead us_

_Signed, Draco Lucius Malfoy_

She felt tears well up in her eyes as she read his words and grabbed the quill from his hands, signing her name next to his. She then rose from the chaise and walked into the kitchen, so he followed. There he saw her standing in front of the muggle icebox that held food, she had displayed the parchment on the front and was standing there, smiling.

He kissed her on the cheek and eyed the displayed parchment curiously. This must be a muggle thing.

She bent and handed him his underwear before grabbing her own and dressing slowly.

Once dressed, she picked up her glass of wine and sat down at the kitchen table.

"So, I will clear out the basement for you... And then you'll bring your potions lab here.

She started writing a list as she spoke and he smiled at the Hermioneness of it.

"I will need to reappear in society" he groaned as he sat down on the chair next to hers, "people probably think that I'm dead… or, what was the other rumor, collecting STDs on a private island?"

"How do you want to go about correcting that?"

"I'm not sure…"

"Maybe just appear then? The press will tail you like hounds but at least everyone will know that way" she shrugged. "make sure that you look clean & healthy, best not give the bad rumors any fuel"

"Go on a date with me" He smirked and raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Ask a girl properly, will you?" She teased but smiled and grabbed his hand, "I'd love that, Draco"

* * *

So, this chapter was a little shorter, fluffier.. and posted a lot later than planned. sorry.  
This is a rather hectic week for me but I'll do my best to get another chapter up asap!  
Heads up, things are finally settling for our lovebirds, but trouble is brewing on the horizon.  
X


	7. Chapter 7

Hi,

busy busy week, and a mild case of writers block. This is the fifth version, and a complete re-write, of this chapter. I hope you like the direction that this is heading. please review! x

Warning: this fic contains alcohol abuse, infertility, miscarriage, angst, fluff, and lemons. Don't read if not your cup of tea!

_Dear JKRowling, All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are yours and yours alone. I am merely building a very tiny shrine in tribute to the beloved world that you created._

* * *

"When's your date with Draco?" Ginny asked as she casually flipped through parchments containing notes that lay scattered all over Hermione's desk.

Almost two weeks had passed since they made their relationship official and set up shop in her basement. Potions were brewing, the air thick with the fumes and Hermione was scribbling frantically, crossing out and circling as she went over her notes again.

"Hmm.. maybe if I added Chamaelirium luteum to the Moonthistle, that should lend the potion the right properties… what do you think" Hermione murmured without looking up or acknowledging the question.

"I have no bloody idea! Are you even talking to me?" Ginny yelled, her arms raised in frustration. "Merlins Bollocks Hermione, I am trying to be supportive in regards to your weird relationship"

"Oh, sorry Gin…" Hermione replied sheepishly. "He'll pick me up at 8.. and, oh my..." she panicked looking at her watch, "that's in less than an hour!"

"So quit working and let's get you ready!" Ginny exclaimed happily.

The last couple of days had gone by in a blur. As soon as the lab had been set up, Draco had begun brewing, first the standard fertility tonics that were popular in the wizarding world, and then adapted recipes containing magical and muggle ingredients and methodologies.

Their calculations were promising but they had yet to figure out a testing process. Draco had been in touch with st. Mungos on the subject of organizing a clinical trial but the response had been lukewarm. Reproduction was a subject rarely discussed in the wizarding world despite the decreasing birth rates.

"Did you read the article on Draco?" Hermione asked ginny as they left the basement and headed up the stairs.

"You mean the salacious gossip column on the wizarding britain's most eligible hunk?" Ginny laughed, "Of course I did. Apparently he picked up a, particularly difficult to treat, strain of syphilis, so I'd be careful there If I were you"

Hermione did not know whether she should laugh or cry. The gossip mill had been spouting rumors for days now, apparently Draco had been responsible for ending her marriage to Ron, and then broke her heart, leaving to chase women on his private island. Hermione had been portrayed as this wilting flower, grey, lacklustre and fading. She usually was not one to waste energy on gossip, but her relationship with draco was so new and fragile.. it made her nervous.

"Merlin, your wardrobe is boring… Only short and black will do…" Ginny mumbled to herself as she searched through Hermione's closet. "Ooh what's this!" She finally exclaimed, "is this the dress Harry caught him unwrapping?" She squealed as she withdrew the red dress from the closet, "put it on!"

She blushed at the thought of wearing the dress again, but he had seemed to like it.. and it was perfect for a warm summer evening out.

Once dressed she twirled in front of Ginny who clapped enthusiastically.

"Perfect, just perfect" ginny hummed as she waved her wand over hermione's hair, turning the halo of mess into shiny curls. Some bright red lipstick was applied, and highlighter accentuating her freckled cheeks and then she was done.

Ginny left through the floo, wailing about also wanting to dress up and date, seconds before a knock was heard at her front door.

She opened slowly, and there he stood, so different from the broken shell of a man he had been, mere weeks ago.

"Merlin Hermione" he breathed and ran his finger along the bow that was tied on the side of her waist, effectively holding the dress together. He cleared his throat and let his hand drop to grasp hers instead, "I almost wish that we did not have plans tonight… but let's get going, are you okay with side-along?"

She nodded in approval before the familiar tug of apparition whisked them away.

As they landed outside a restaurant hermione had to lean on Draco to steady herself, the world spinning for longer than usual. She had not apparated in months, so that was probably the reason she was feeling dizzy.

"You alright?" Draco asked, concern clearly apparent in his tone, "let's get you some food". He took her hand and led her into the restaurant, it was dark inside, the tables illuminated sparsely with candles, a strong smell of food and flowers filled the air.

The maitre'd showed them to a private room near the kitchen, apparently the chef was a friend of Draco's. He ordered them each a glass of champagne and they were left to peruse the menu. Hermione trailed her fingers along the stem of the champagne flute, unable to grasp it. Her stomach was still turning and her head spinning. The contents of the glass felt extremly unappealing. What in the world?

"Will you excuse me, I need to run to the ladies.." she excused herself, swallowing the bile that was rising in her throat. The dark corridor that led to the bathrooms felt miles long. She hurried into one of the stalls, barely registering the two women standing at the sinks. She sat down on the lid of the toilet and rested her head on the cool tiles. She felt the fabric of her dress cling against her back, damp, as she was breaking out in a cold sweat.

The voices of the women echoing against the walls of the stall, reverberating through the wood.

"Have you read the witches weekly column? Such mean rumours… I bet you're glad to have your betrothed back again!" Spoke a shrill voice. Hermione prayed that they would leave soon.

"I don't bother with such trash… as if Drakie would ever take up with mudblood trash.."

"He was raised much better than that, wasn't he? When is the wedding planned for?"

'Drakie? Draco?' Hermione thought, the world spinning faster and faster… 'her draco?'

"I am not sure… but father assured me that he had made sure that Draco would uphold the contract"

'Contract, betrothal… marriage? Was Draco betrothed?'

"Pansy, if there's a contract you have nothing to worry about!" One of the female voice giggled.

'Pansy'

Hermione fell onto the floor and just managed to lift the toilet seat before she vomited. With a dull ache throbbing in her chest, and her throat burning, her mind finally cleared as panic set in. Draco was betrothed, to be married… to Pansy.

She ran out of the restaurant, passing indistinguishable figures that were calling her name, a distinct blond reached out to her.. and grabbed her wrist, she janked free and kept running. She had to get out. As soon as she reached the warm summer night air she turned on the spot and apparated.

She arrived back home and immediately began resurrecting wards, her stomach was twisting uncomfortably again, and she could feel her skin becoming clammy. She stumbled up the stairs and into the bathroom just as the room started spinning again and she vomited.

She knew she had been far to happy for it to be true. Whatever they had shared had not been real, it had been a fib, too fast…

not real.

Tears were streaming down her face as she stood on shaky legs and caught sight of herself in the bathroom mirror. Shiny curls long gone, a messy nest once again present, puffy red eyes and messy makeup.

She stumbled over to the mirror and opened the cabinet. Out fell the cabinets' entire content, scattering over the tiled floor, bottles breaking.

She bent down and picked up a shard of glass, cutting herself in the process.

Blood. Red blood, dripped into the sink as she stood, she watched it drip for a while, mesmerized. Blood.

She gazed over at the floor where tampons lay scattered. Blood.

'What date is it?' She thought as she stared at the dripping blood. She picked up her wand, healed the cut and vanished the broken glass.

She was late. Her period was never late. Except that one time.

She opened a drawer underneath the sink and stared at it before pulling out a muggle pregnancy test. She had bought them in bulk while she and Ron were trying, and after everything that happened she had refused to reopen that drawer, pushing its contents to the back of her mind.

She walked over to the loo and methodically peed on the stick, setting it on the counter to dry.

A frantic knock could be heard from door downstairs, rousing her from her mesmerized state. Draco. Betrothed. Pansy. Late. She ran over the last couple of hours in her head. What if she was pregnant?

She walked down the stairs. Through the stained glass window she could see the outline of a man. Draco. She walked over to the door and watched him for a while. For a while she was unsure if he could see her, but when he spotted her he looked relieved for a second and then confused.

"Hermione, open up! What happened to you?"

She raised her wand and whispered "fenestra oscuro", effectively turning the window glass dark and hiding herself from view.

She returned to the bathroom and picked up the test. Two distinct lines, pregnant.

She slumped down onto the cold, tiled floor. Tears streaming down her cheeks. Amidst the chaos from the bathroom cabinet, pregnancy test in a vice hard grip, she fell asleep.

The Hermione he saw, watching him from the other side of the stained glass window, was so unlike the Hermione that went to the bathroom mere moments ago. Her eyes red and puffy, her hair ever the birds nest. Cheeks wet with fresh tears.

"Hermione, open up! What happened to you?" He asked, unsure if she was able to hear him through the wards. And then the window turned black.

She had locked him out, warded the entire house from entry. He had tried every other possibility before knocking on the door. 'What had happened in that bathroom?'

He apparated to the manor and was greeted by Babrey.

"Master! Babrey is pleased to see you this soon" he exclaimed and bowed deeply.

"Babrey, I need a quill and parchment"

The elf disappeared and reappeared within seconds, clutching the requested quill and parchment. Draco wrote frantically on the parchment,

"Please find Harry Potter and give this to him" he instructed and handed the elf the rolled up parchment. The elf nodded once and then disappeared.

He sat down on one of the armchairs that were located in the receiving area of the manor and rested his head on his hands. What had happened with Hermione. One minute they were blissfully happy and in love, out on their first date, then she had left and warded herself into her house.

He had half expected her to run when the rumors regarding his whereabouts and activities during the past year, fuelled by the gossip magazines, started floating around. But she had waved it off and they had been happy.

What was the cause of this sudden change?

Babrey reappeared in front of him and bowed in greeting.

"Master, sir, mr Harry Potter is furious at Babrey for calling this late at night but will come by after checking on miss Hermione" the elf bowed and looked embarrased.

"Thank you Babrey. I forbid you from punishing yourself, this was entirely on me"

The elf looked confused, so he added "You are excused" and watched him disappear.

Hermione was awoken by whispers.

"Hermione, what's going on?" Harry asked and sat down next to her on the floor, "Draco sodding Malfoys house elf showed up in our bedroom and handed us a note from Draco, telling us that something had happened and that we should check on you and report to him"

"Hermione babe, did you have a fight?" Asked Ginny softly.

"That's only half of it…" mumbled Hermione and proceeded with telling them about the restaurant, about feeling ill after apparating, about overhearing pansy and some other witch in the bathroom talking about Pansy's betrothal and upcoming marriage to Draco.

"I knew that what we had was too good to be true, am I to believe that he conveniently forgot about his bride to be? He lied to me" Hermione cried on Harry's shoulder while Ginny stroked her back…

"Yep…" harry sighed and received a smack on the head from his wife,

"Can you try being supportive? She seethed at him.

"I could kill him" mumbled Harry

"You won't" replied Ginny and gave him a stern look.

"My heart hurts," cried Hermione, "I don't know what to do…"

"You don't have to do anything," replied Ginny, "come… I'll help you to bed… all will feel better come morning"

Hermione took her hand and was helped up to stand.

"Harry, you go to Malfoy and sort this out" she whispered as they walked past him.

The floo roared to life, rousing Draco from his thoughts. He rose to meet Potter as he stepped through but regretted that immediately as he saw Potter's eyes blazing before his fist connected with Draco's face.

"That the hell Potter!" He spat, blood and spit splattering on the floor.

"You deserve worse after what you've out Hermione through!" Harry seethed.

"Now hold up, what is it that I've done?" One minute we are perfectly happy and then she storms out and everything has been turned on its head!" Draco yelled, placing his hands on the side of his head, confusion written all over his face.

"Your fiance… Pansy… Hermione overheard her talking. Nice way to break the news to your girlfriend by the way and best wishes to the happy couple" Harry spat mockingly, raising an invisible goblet in a toasting gesture.

Draco started chuckling, quietly at first but soon escalating into hysterical laughter. Harry simply watched him with a disgusted look on his face.

"You finished?" Harry asked as Draco, now sitting on the floor, fell quiet. He looked up at the man standing above him, eyes red and filled with unshed tears.

"I am not betrothed to that Banshee, nor anyone else for that matter.. I never signed the betrothal contract, with father in prison I had no one forcing my hand. If she claims that I signed they either believe that I did or they've forged my signature…..

Merlin, I love Hermione… I'd never lie to her"

Harry slumped down on the floor opposite Draco. They sat in quiet for a while.

"She's hurting… I haven't seen her like that in a while, not since…. she stopped showing how hurt she was, you know?"

"I am so sorry, I'd never do anything intentionally to cause her harm…" Draco whispered, eyes downcast…"what can I do to fix this?"

"I am sure she'll calm down soon"

The floo roared to life again and Ginny appeared, a panicked look on her face

"Harry! She wont let me back in!"

"Back in where?"

"She's warded herself in, i am not allowed through.. I tucked her in and went home for some food and then I was not allowed back through" ginny exclaimed… "It's just like after the divorce!"

"Oh hell…" Harry mumbled and rubbed his temples.

"What do you mean? She's done this before? For how long?"

"Two months… she dropped the wards after two months last time…"

"Two months?!" Draco panicked.

"We'll get through to her somehow… as soon as she finds out that Draco is not betrothed, there's no reason for her to. Right?"

"I need to talk to Pansy" Draco sighed and rubbed his forehead, face scrunched up as if in pain. "And that is never easy" he continued.

"I feel you mate" Harry sighed

"You go, we'll try to get through to Hermione"

"Have Babrey take you.. Draco sighed, we all remember Dobby and the Malfoy Manor wards… right?" Draco snapped his fingers to summon Babrey and nodded towards Harry and Ginny, "Babrey will help with anything you might need, I will be in touch soon".

With a turn he apparated and found himself in Pansy's bedroom. The wards that had once been altered to admit him acces straight into her bedroom remained intact, he smiled at the convenience of it. Her beroom was empty, and a homenum revelio spell indicated the same for the rest of the home, so we waited.

Her room was much the same as it had been years ago, years ago when he had found comfort in the escape that was teenage hormones and easy access. Pansy had always been easy. He sneered in disgust at the thought. Back then he had thought her his, his to use as he saw fit.. but she had used just about every available male with a semi-pure bloodline and when he found out, they were through.

Pansy though, had always clinged to the hope that they would still marry as had been planned by their parents since birth, but draco had refused to sign. He had no reason to obey when his father was tucked away in azkaban.

He had moved on and forgotten about pansy. Not much seemed to have changed over the years. Judging from the state of her room, she was still dressed like a tart and smelled just as cheap.

The floor was littered with clothes, she appeared to have been in a hurry.

A half glass of elf made wine was perched on her dresser along side a crystal ashtray that held a disgusting amount of cigarette butts. the drawers were pulled open and clothes were spilling out.

As he stood there gazing at the mess that was Pansy, the fire crackled to life and through the floo she stumbled.

She stood for a moment staring unfocused whilst trying to keep her balance, swaying back and forth precariously, not quite comprehending what she was seeing.

"Drakie? Ish zat really you?" She mumbled forth, struggling to form words properly. He sighed at the sight of her, her state would not make this conversation easier.

"Pans, call your elf.. we need something to help you sober up"

"MISSY!" Pansy shrieked and stumbled towards an armchair to the side of the fireplace. "Forgivve my apperanche Drakie dear, I wash not expecting you… but I aaam delighted..such a surprise!" She squealed and perched her head on her hands smiling mischievously at him.

A tiny elf appeared and handed Pansy a vial of sober-up potion, the elf's hands shaking visibly.

"Go away!" Pansy screeched at the poor creature after having downed the vial and the elf's already wide eyes turned glassy, and she trembled before disappearing with a sharp pop.

"That nasty creature keeps hanging around and disobeying me, I simply won't have it" pansy rose from the armchair, clearly more sober already and walked slowly towards Draco.

"Listen Pansy, let's make this quick…" Draco sighed as he watched her approach. "You are spreading rumours about us getting married. So I will only say this once, listen carefully…." He explained as he stood by the

"Oh Drakie, why so serious"

"Shut it Pans!" Draco yelled and grabbed the crystal ashtray in a vice like grip, hand treembling with the anger that was building inside him. "The woman I love overheard you spreading lies about us being betrothed. . . Do you understand me?"

"Th..the w-woman you l-love?" Pansy stuttered as she took a step backwards, trembling slightly under his gaze. "y-you made a promise… I gave you my body and you promised…"

"If carnal pleasure was a promise then you sure promised yourself to a lot of people" Draco seethed as he walked over to the fireplace and grabbed a pinch of floor powder from the jar on the mantle.

He turned around and looked at Pansy who was now crying in earnest. "no more lies, or my attorney will pay you a visit" he threw the powder and stepped into the flames.


	8. Chapter 8

Hi,

I have the rest of this story planned out now. And or those of you that are worried; I am a sucker for a happy ending, but I like twists and turns;)

This chapter brought back a lot of emotions for me, of carrying my babies and the worry and anxiety I felt. Although blessed with semi-easy pregnancies I am an anxious person and this became quite difficult for me when pregnant.

Warning: this fic contains infertility, miscarriage, angst, fluff, and lemons. Don't read if not your cup of tea!

_Dear JKRowling, All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are yours and yours alone. I am merely building a very tiny shrine in tribute to the beloved world that you created._

* * *

When Draco stepped out of the flames back in Malfoy Manor he noticed Ginny Potter asleep in one of the armchairs.

He approached her tentatively and nudged her shoulder carefully as he knelt down in front of her

"Wea...Ginny" he whispered and nudged her again.

"Merlin Malfoy, I am used to being jumped awake by screaming kids, that was the weakest wakeup call I've ever had" she groaned as she rose from the armchair she had fallen asleep in. "What time is it?"

"Just after two in the morning," he replied and rose from the floor, "How is Hermione?"

"She's... not doing so good…" Ginny replied and watched fear grip his features… "she's fragile.. you know"

"Yes, I know…."

"So after everything that's happened, this was just… the grain of salt that tipped the scale. Give her time, she… part of her seems to think that she does not deserve to be happy, as if she is punishing herself? I don't know…"

"Will I be able to see her?" His eyes were now dark with worry.

"Oh! Yes! The wards are dropped! Sorry… Maybe I sh.."

Draco had turned on the spot and disappeared.

"Seriously?" Ginny sighed, "oh just leave me here in your creepy home!"

As Draco arrived in Hermione's home not a single light was lit, so he trod carefully around the house looking for her. After a while, he heard soft footsteps behind him and turned. Hermione stood there watching him.

He approached her carefully, afraid that any sudden movement would startle her. She looked pale and dark lines were prominent underneath her beautiful eyes.

"Hermione…" he breathed, "I am so sorry"

She walked closer and wrapped her arms carefully around his chest, leaning her head against his chest. He breathed a sigh of relief as he felt her small frame meld against his as he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. He could feel her body trembling as tiny sobs escaped her, so he gathered her into his arms and carried her upstairs.

She watched him through tear-filled eyes as he carried her and lifted her hand, tentatively stroking the baby soft hairs at the nape of his neck. He was back and it felt as if no time had passed, as if the events of the night had been nothing more than a nightmare. Yet it felt like her whole world had shifted… and it had.

He sat her down on the bed and knelt down so that they were at eye level.

"Hermione… I don't know what to say… of all the nasty gossip that is floating around, I am so sorry that you heard and believed that… trash"

"I am sorry too, I am sorry that I lost faith"

He kissed her tear-stained cheeks, one after the other and then captured her lips in s bruising kiss. Trying with all his might to convey the relief he felt at being back in her arms. She kissed him back, tentatively opening up kissing him back.

They broke apart and looked at each other, so much was left unsaid. Did he even want a baby? What if he didn't? Or what if he did, and she wound up losing this pregnancy like she had all the others? With all those thoughts clawing at her from inside she captured his lips again, frantic, bruising kissing that he responded to with fervor.

He leaned over her on the bed, hands touching and his lips kissing every available inch of skin, his leg was aligned with her center and she writhed against him in an attempt to relieve the anxiety that was growing inside her.

Her need for him was growing and she pulled roughly at his clothes in an attempt to get closer, to feel more, to numb the anxiety.

She yanked down his trousers and underwear and freed his hard member, feeling the skin stretch and swell even more as she gripped him firmly. Within seconds the skirt of her wrap dress had been pushed apart and without time to divest her properly of her panties, they were simply pushed aside before he let his hardness slip into her wet warmth.

She clung to him as he started pumping roughly into her, sending thrills of pleasure throughout her body, the anxiety abating as the pleasure built inside her.

He was whispering expletives into the curve of her neck as the tightness inside her twisted and she yelled his name as she came apart, her walls hugging him tightly, pulsating and milking him as their orgasms wrecked through their bodies.

He lingered inside her, his face still hidden in the curve of her neck when he felt the tears rolling down her face.

"Hermione, love… what's wrong, did I hurt you?"

"No..n-no…" she stammered and pushed at his chest. He withdrew and the cold air that hit him was almost painful. "I'm so-sorry, It just became too much.." she whispered as she turned away from him and curled up, knees drawn to her chest.

He watched her back for a while, the throbbing in his heart growing. What had he done wrong?

He laid down next to her and started stroking her back, as his mother had always done to comfort him. She felt so far away even though his hand was touching her skin. After a while he felt her body go still as her crying had stopped, he inched closer and rested his forehead in between her shoulder blades just as sleep took him.

—

Time passed and Hermione & Draco settled into working side by side. Their research coming along nicely.

They had moved on to testing some of the altered fertility potions on kneazles. Hermione had found a kneazle breeder that had three females that had proven unsuccessful at breeding, their administration of one of the potions resulted, after a final alteration, in two successful gestations and two litters of kittens soon on the way...

Draco watches Hermione as she worked, the way her brow furrowed and how she always worried her lip with her teeth when she was immersed in her work, it never ceased to amaze him. She was so beautiful.

They were effectively living together, he always slept next to her in her bed and he only ever left for the manor to pick something up and returned just as quickly.

They had not been intimate for weeks, they hugged, and cuddled, slept next to each other. But whenever he tried to initiate anything more, she pulled away. He was unsure of the root cause of this development and it, along with her other changes in behavior worried him. He wanted her to open up to him, lean on him.. allow him to help her… but he didn't want to pressure her.

Along with her changes in behavior she had started to look worn, pale...

Something was definitely wrong.

—

Hermione rose to greet Ginny as she stepped through the floo. Draco was downstairs in the basement and was currently bottling up their first complete batch of successful fertility potion. This morning she had been able to keep her food down and the addition in energy made her feel more like herself than she had in weeks.

They were approaching the end of September and her 12th week of pregnancy was just about to come to an end...

She had yet to tell a soul about it.

"Gosh 'Mione, you look so pale" Ginny chided, as she grabbed hold of Hermione's chin and searched her face. "You need to focus on the good things and stop wallowing… Draco is worried about you"

" I know," Hermione sighed.. her eyes downcast. She felt terrible about keeping her secret but she was terrified. So much could go wrong.

She feared inflicting the pain she and Ron went through, on Draco.. and ending up losing him the same way.

These past weeks she had been like living in constant preparation for the worst... and every pregnancy symptom or craving had been a visceral reminder of her last pregnancy, of her daughter. She was dreading soon being able to feel this baby kick, while at the same time

craving any sign that everything was alright.

Her days were plagued with thoughts and anxious worry and her nights plagued with dreams.

She dreamt of Draco. Of a happy family life that might never be. Of carefree days that had been and of losing this baby just like she had the one before.

_She had woken up late one night, cramping and bleeding and once they arrived at the hospital it had been too late. She had been 16 weeks along, and the baby had been a perfectly formed, but miniature, baby girl._

_Nothing in the world could ever prepare you for losing a baby. She had been there, alive and thriving. Then suddenly she was gone, and with her, all their hopes and dreams for the future were crushed. The emptiness was earth-shattering._

With her 12th week of pregnancy almost through, she was now statistically seen, in safer territories, but she had relaxed last time… last time she had viewed the 12-week mark as a milestone and after that, she had allowed herself to buy baby clothes, decorate the nursery.. tell the world.

She would never relax again.

She absentmindedly placed a hand on the tiny swell of her abdomen.

"Hermione! are you sure that you're alright? Ginny's voice finally broke through to her. "Merlin, what is wrong with you?" Ginny continued, "you should book a healers appointment…"

"I am fine Gin," Hermione replied and let her hand drop from her belly. She would not be able to hide it much longer.

She cleared her throat, "the potion fumes are messing with my head"

She tried to explain it away but Ginny was giving her a suspicious look, the same look Molly always had when she was onto something.

"So that's the first batch, bottled and ready!" Exclaimed Draco as he emerged from the basement, crate of vials in his arms.

He looked so proud. For a moment Hermione just watched him, crate in arms, hair tousled and damp with potions fumes, now long and falling into his face, eyes bright.

She imagined that same Draco, proud and beaming, cradling a newborn in his arms. Would that ever come to be?

Draco had been so caring and patient during the past weeks. She needed to tell him, he deserved to know.

Harry and Ginny were invited over for dinner that night. To celebrate the success of the potion and the completion of their first commercial batch. This batch of 24vials would be stocked at 'Boot's pharmaceutical potions' in Diagon Alley, And available for sale the next day.

"Dinner is ready!" Hermione beckoned then towards the table that was set.

They sat down, Ginny's eyes not leaving Hermione. Studying her for a clue.

The rest of the dinner was awkward, to say the least. They spoke about the potion and their plans moving forward. before the conversation migrated to more casual topics such as quidditch and broomsticks.

As they were finishing dessert, Ginny was once again staring at Hermione, who was squirming uncomfortably under her Gaze.

"So listen… I was thinking," Ginny finally said, "with the success of this potion… you could.. try it"

Draco and Harry who had been chatting animatedly before fell silent.

"Ginny…" Harry hissed, between clenched teeth.

"Try what?" Hermione was staring at Ginny, the confusion clearly visible on her face.

"I mean…" Ginny sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, "I know that after your loss, and your difficulties...the subject of having kids is probably far off. But you could… try the potion if you wanted to, I know how desperately you wanted kids"

Hermione just looked at her, expressionless. On shaky legs she rose from the table, turned and ran. Her feet couldn't carry her fast enough. Ginny should understand how sore a subject this was for her…

even now that she already was pregnant, hope was not something she possessed. She sat down on the lid of the toilet, legs shaking, her body breaking out in cold sweat.

A soft knock was heard at the door, and Draco entered the bathroom. He watched her for a while before he knelt down in front of her.

"Our guests just left… Talk to me Hermione…" he urged, "ever since Pansy, it feels as if you've withdrawn from me… what can I do to help you?"

She started crying, fat tears rolling down her cheeks.

"that was seriously tactless of Ginevra, but the weasels have always been a rather blunt sort" he mumbled, maybe more to himself than her. "Is this about having or not having a baby? You know that I support you in whatever course Life takes us"

"Draco, I am pregnant"

Silence. The sound of her own heartbeat deafening in her ears.

"You are pregnant?" Draco confirmed, a frown on his face, "are you.. is that good news for you?"

His heart was beating so fast. 'A baby' he was trying to grasp the fact but felt completely stunned.

"I.. I am afraid, Draco… I am sorry, I know I said that…"

He held up his hand to silence her and placed it softly against her cheek " I am so terrified that I'll lose this baby as well... I should have told you weeks ago, but I.. I couldn't"

"How far along are you?" He scanned her body for any hints, had he really not noticed any changes? How long?

"Just at the end of the first trimester.."

"Oh, Hermione, why have you carried this burden all by yourself for weeks? I could have helped you.. it this why you've been so withdrawn? Merlin, I've been going out of my mind with worry…"

"I am so sorry," she cried, her body slumped forward as it shook with heavy sobs.

Draco gathered her into his arms and carried her towards the bedroom. He laid her gently on the bed, eyes lingering on the slight swell of her stomach. Now clearly visible.

Her tears had stilled and she watched him, watching her. He reached out to touch her but ceased, hesitating…

"May I touch?" He asked and she nodded her approval. He sat down on the side of the bed, next to her, raised one trembling hand and laid it softly on the small bump.

It was firm to the touch, more firm than it looked, he smoothed his hand over it in soothing circles. This was his baby, their baby. So unplanned, so unexpected. But as he sat there marveling he realized how happy he was over this unexpected development.

He had never thought he'd feel ready to have children and had he been asked that morning he would have said no. But now that the swell of her stomach filled his hand and his heart he felt completely ready.

As soon as Hermione fell asleep he tucked her in and went downstairs, poured himself a glass of firewhiskey and sat down on the porch facing the garden.

Father. He was going to become a father.

He had no idea how to even be a father, let alone a good one.

This scared him more than he ever dared to admit to himself.

"Babrey!" He called and the elf appeared. Bowing his master in greeting. "please search the manor library for books on pregnancy, bring me anything you can find". The elf nodded and disappeared with a loud pop.

He stared out into the garden and thought back on the past weeks. How had he missed it? The bump was small but definitely there, there had been so many signs. Why had she not told him?

Babrey appeared with a pile of books levitated in front of him.  
"Thank you Babrey, that is all, you're excused" He thanked the elf and picked up the dusty tome that was placed at the top of the pile.

The book was old, the parchment yellow and frayed, crumbling when he touched it. "Witches' Guide in Health and Disease' was the title on the cover. He skimmed through page after page, accounting the horrible stigma of incomplete womanhood associated with failing to procure heirs, the hysteria that often accompanied missing of the menses and how to ensure that the heirs turned out male, through the administration of seemingly unsafe potions.

Although outdated, the section on gestation, detailing the three trimesters, caught his attention. it featured drawings showing the developmental stages of a human embryo to a full-term fetus.. he was so immersed in the drawings that, at first, he didn't notice Hermione sitting down on the porch next to him.

"Hi.." She whispered and kissed him on the cheek, giggling softly as he startled.

"You startled me" He grumbled, and handed her the book as she reached for it, "I was curious, but I'd avoid the first chapters If I were you, It accounts how I should be ready to subdue any bouts of hysteria and how I can ensure male offspring"

She laughed and flipped through the book, opening up at the drawings he had just admired.

"So this is what our baby should look like just about now" Hermione smiled and indicated towards an image showing a tiny baby with a large head, rolled up, knees to chest.

They sat in silence watching the images, marveling at what the future would hold, a small spark of hope igniting in her chest.


	9. Chapter 9

Hi,

so i've had a mild case of writers block.. I have the rest of the story planned out and two more chapters finished. but I keep changing snd re-writing stuff.. second guessing things. oh well.

Warning: this fic contains infertility, miscarriage, angst, fluff, and lemons. Don't read if not your cup of tea!

_Dear JKRowling, All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are yours and yours alone. I am merely building a very tiny shrine in tribute to the beloved world that you created._

* * *

They had told Harry and Ginny the day after Draco found out. Hermione had floo called them over and they had stepped through immediately, worried about what the news might be. Ginny had looked smug, Harry turned green and watched her with a worried expression.

"How are you feeling Hermione?" Harry finally broke the silence, "Must be hard after...How far along are you?"

When Hermione told them that she was around 12 weeks they had been stunned.

Ginny summoned a pen and some paper and started writing.  
"this is my healer at St Mungo's, she's fantastic.. give her a call, you need support through this, whether you want to or not" Ginny explained.

Whenever one starts counting time it always seems to slow down. Weeks had passed. But they felt like months. Every day felt like a year, every night like a lifetime.

She was now sitting outside, in the late summer sunshine, feeling the warmth spreading across her skin.. but inside she felt cold. The note Ginny had handed her still lay crumpled in her pocket. She felt the fuzzy edges of the paper, traced her finger along the dents and lines where the paper had been creased. Trying with all she had to summon the courage that never came.

Draco had urged, and urged her to see a healer. To have them confirm that everything was ok. But she had snapped again and again and plain out refused. She couldn't cope. Denial was not an option anymore, not now that Draco knew. Not now that Harry and Ginny knew. Not now that they were all pestering her about it. She missed her bubble, the bubble had been easier, denial had been easier.

She fell asleep every night holding her belly and saying a prayer, and woke every morning in a cold sweat. Being awake was terrifying, but sleep was worse.

The 16-week mark was fast approaching and with only two weeks to go Hermione was in a near constant state of panic.

One evening as she lay in bed she felt the first flutter of movement, Her heart was beating so hard as she put her hand against the spot, holding her breath until she felt it again. And then again.

She started journaling the movement patterns that were growing ever stronger, but this did not soothe her worried heart. No, now every calm moment was terrifying. and she was chasing the calm every movement gave her like a junkie would chase her next fix.

Two weeks until the 16 week mark, two weeks until the week she lost her last baby.

Draco was worried. Hermione was so lost in herself and so wound tight these days that he had resorted to treading carefully around her, orbiting her at a safe distance.

He now flooed the Potter's multiple times a day, seeking reassurance, support…

That he would come to voluntarily seek Harry Potter's support one day... he would have laughed at anyone daring to suggest such a thing, but here he was. Seeking support.

Ginny provided him with advice on how to care for a pregnant lady, Harry was more of a calm presence. A dad. And a good one at that. And watching him with his kids was both entertaining and educational.

Draco had never been around babies or toddlers before. They were rare enough in pureblood circles and for their own safety mostly kept within the safe confinement of their home until older.

Stories of abductions and magical children being swapped for squibs were common. A child born without magic was the greatest shame, and the children were kept inside and tutored before they could walk, all in the hope of awakening their magic earlier. If a child turned out to be a squib they were either claimed to have been abducted, or discreetly placed into foster care. Therefore people rarely even spoke of small children, it was easier to hide away a child that fewer knew about.

But Harry and Ginny were raising their toddlers in the open, they played and went outside a lot and the kids were allowed to explore and learn, fall and get up, all on their own under the watchful eyes of their parents. He watched Lily jump from a ledge only to float softly to the ground, she was two years old and already showing strong signs of magic, It was fascinating.

The boy, james, toddeled over to Draco, grabbed his hand and spit out a piece of apple into it. Draco just watched it for a while before he pulled out his wand, vanished the offending piece of drooly fruit and wiped his hand on his trouser leg. Harry was laughing and clutching his stomach.

"Draco mate, better get used to it.. a baby will produce worse than that, believe me!"

Ginny shook her head at that comment and picked up the small boy that was staring confusedly at the exchange between the adults.

That evening when Draco returned Hermione had fallen asleep on the porch.

He watched her for a while before he wrapped his arms around her petite form and lifted her into his embrace. Her head lulled from side to side before settling on his chest.

"Draco?" She murmured.

"yes love.." He carried her upstairs. He could see streaks of dried tears on her cheeks and kissed them as he settled her onto the bed. And started removing her clothes. She looked so small, despite the growing bump, he reached out and put his hand on her belly.

"Here" She took his hand and placed it low on her stomach. "The baby is too small for you to feel anything from the outside, but he is here"

"He?" Draco felt his own pulse underneath his fingertips.

"just a feeling I have…" Hermione murmured and turned onto her side, facing him.

He held his hand completely still, marvelling at the fact that she could sense their baby's movement and that it was happening right underneath his hand.

"how are you doing Hermione? Is there anything that I can do… I feel so helpless"

"Just hold me" She replied and he did, just as he did every night. He caressed her belly and whispered words of reassurance in her ear.

He told her of his day with the potters and how strong Lily's magic already was, of how he looked forward to seeing their child grow and learn, rise and fall. Of a small boy with white blond curls and hazel eyes.

Hermione pretended to sleep as she envisioned the fantasy he was painting for them. Tears slowly falling from her eyes and disappearing into the pillow.

He held her as she fell asleep, as she dreamt of white blond curls. He soothed her as she cried out in her sleep.

The next morning Hermione awoke to an empty bed. Where was draco?

She wrapped a robe around her and walked down the stairs, checking the library before the basement, then the kitchen. Through the patio door she could see him outside in the garden, bent over something.

She grabbed a his sweater that was laying on the kitchen table and pulled it over the robe, before the walked outside. Draco was kneeling next to a small bush, hands covered in soil.

"Interesting morning activity.." She giggled at the sight of him. This dishevelled pyjamas clad gardener, soil covered and sweaty, was so far from the pureblood prince he used to be, but she liked it. He kept surprising her, doing things like this, showing himself in a new light. And it made her love him even more.

Love was not a word that either of them had uttered, but she felt it, within herself... her heart quickening, swelling in her chest as she watched him. And she felt it radiating from him as he held her through the night and through her dreams. She felt it in the concern he showed her and the way he touched her.

She knelt down next to him and reached out to brush specks of soil from one of the leafs of the small bush.

"A rose?"

"Yes, he replied…" his gaze rising to meet her. a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "It's from my mother's garden… I hope that's ok?"

Hermione caressed the sole rose that was still in bloom, its petals soft and the palest of pink.

"it's beautiful"

"Her roses…they, they were her babies… she suffered through infertility for years before... I was the only baby that stuck.. and when I left for hogwarts her heart broke, she started gardening and it… it helped" he explained slowly, pausing every now and then, choosing his words carefully. This was supposed to bring her some ounce of peace but one wrong word could ruin it. He watched her through the fringe of hair that was partially covering his face, she was frowning and he could see her eyes filling up with tears.

Mission failed, thought draco as he saw her raise her wand. He half expected her to set the bush on fire, but was caughts by surprise when a stream of water shot out of her wand, soaking the dry soil around the bush. She knelt down next to the plant and he watched her work in silence, mesmerized, as she transfigured a rock into some shears and started pruning away old flower blossoms. She sat back on her haunches and looked up at him where he stood rooted since the moment she entered the garden.

"Thank you Draco"

A smile was tugging at the corners of her lips, the first true smile in weeks, within seconds he had enveloped her in his arms as he kissed her on her forehead.

"Now, try not to be mad…." he spoke as he released her from his embrace, her brown eyes meeting his, a frown once again present on her face. He held up the crumpled piece of parchment that had been her pocket companion for the past two weeks. She noticed it immediately as she lay eyes on the frayed, fuzzy edges.

"I booked us a healers appointment…"

"When?" Her jaw was set but her face otherwise expressionless.

"In an hour… I thought it best not to wait and give your anxiety more time to build…"

Hermione just looked at him, fear now present in her eyes, before she turned and walked inside. He followed her in silence, knowing that nothing he could say would help her.

He stopped at the door to the bedroom and watched her as she removed his sweater and undid the robe with trembling hands. She put on a pair of black jersey trousers, folding the waistband so that the pants remained underneath the belly and pulled a matching sweater over her head.

Hermione sat down on the bed when she had finished dressing. The panic she had previously felt when thinking of having to endure another healers appointment was now nearing critical mass.

Blood was pounding in her ears and she felt her chest growing tight as bile rose in her throat.

She felt a cool hand grasp hers, the sensation grounding her slightly, anchoring her. She found Dracos grey eyes where he was kneeling in front of her. Draco.

He grasped both of her hands and kissed them tenderly.

"I will be with you every step of the way. I arranged so that we can floo directly into the healers office" Draco explained calmly as he rose and tugged her into standing with him. They walked in silence downstairs and approached the fireplace. Draco reached for the small container on top of the mantle and grabbed a handful of floo powder.

Hermione suddenly janked her hand out of his grasp and turned towards the kitchen.

"Hermione?" He called after her, "we…."

She returned a moment later clutching a red binder to her chest. Her fingers were almost white from the strength of her grip.

"This… this is the documentation from my last pregnancy… I thought, they might… if they need to know"

Her small hand grasped his once more as they stepped into the fireplace. Hermione shut her eyes as she heard Draco speak their destination.

"St Mungo's Hospital, Healer Larkin"

The office was not what Hermione had expected, it almost didn't look like a healers office. The dark wooden desk, comfortable armchairs in front. Dark grey, bookcase lined walls, the lit fireplace they had just stepped out of. The room looked more like Hogwarts than a hospital.

"Are you sure that we're in the right place?" Hermione whispered as she grasped Draco's hand tighter. Just then the door opened and a middle aged woman stepped through.

"Oh, you've arrived! Hermione Granger, I presume?"

Healer Larkin was a small woman, with a round face, short brown curls stresked with grey, and bright friendly eyes behind thick round glasses. Her robes were soft pink instead of the lime green robes that were commonplace amongst healers at st mungo's. Healer larkin walked up to Hermione and grasped her free hand and looked straight into her eyes.

"Welcome dear, My name is Theodora Larkin, I am so happy to finally meet you. Ginevra Potter told me about her friend Hermione weeks ago, I've been looking forward to meeting you. Come sit!" She led Hermione by the hand towards one of the armchairs. The calming sensation was immediate as she sat down in the warm, soft chair. She watched healer Larkin walk around the desk and sit down.

"Now, first and foremost. Yes, this is my office and it is the place where I conduct any and all examinations. Now I know that it does not look like what you'd typically expect. The room reflects uniquely comforting surroundings for each patient" healer Larkin Explained, "I must say that I like this very much, lovely!" She continued as she gazed around the room.

"Now, I know that you've suffered a tremendous loss previously, a baby girl born very prematurely and sleeping.. I am so terribly sorry for your loss"

Healer larkin's words stabbed at her, one after the other. The pain deep and dull in her chest. A buzzing in her ear.

Hermione closed her eyes and felt a warm tear sliding down her cheek.

"I know how unsettling a pregnancy after loss can be, from personal and professional experience… but know that I am here to support and provide comfort in any way that I can"

Hermione opened her eyes and met the warm gaze of Healer larkin who was holding out a tissue towards her. She handed her the binder she had cradled sgainst her chest since she arrived.

"This documentation is from my last pregnancy, it's muggle…"

"Thank you dear, I'll have a look at that later. Now let's focus on the present, tell me about your current pregnancy"

Hermione felt her mouth go dry, Draco's hand was squeezing hers reassuringly but her hands felt clammy so she released him and wiped her hand nervously on her trouser.

"I… It was not planned, but we… I had experienced years of infertility with my ex husband, and was assumed to be barren, so we.. Draco, and I, we did not exactly take any precautions" she felt a blush creep up her chest and neck as she spoke. Healer larkin wordlessly summoned a glass of water and levitated it towards Hermione, who took a sip before continuing, "My calculations put me at 14 weeks, give or take"

"Have you taken any prenatal vitamins or potions?" Healer Larkin asked as she took notes, not looking up from the parchment in front of her.

Hermione shifted uncomfortably in her seat as she felt the suffocating shame descend upon her, she had been so focused on potentially losing this baby that she had forgotten to take care of it.

"i have made sure to boost her diet with iron and folic acid rich food…" Draco spoke.. and watched Hermione cautiously as he did, "I've also added a spoonful of 'Listers Pregnancy tonic' to her juice for the past two weeks…"

"That's wonderful, thank you for taking such great care of her!" Healer larkin exclaimed.

"Hermione dear, I will lean the armchair back slightly while I run some tests. Breathe with me if it helps you relax"

Hermione nodded and felt the back of the armchair dip backwards as leg support extended underneath her legs, lifting them slightly. She was now fully reclined and gripped the armrest tightly as she braced herself.

"You will feel a warm sensation on the back of your hand while I withdraw some blood, this will tell us more of your blood levels and also some about baby" the warm sensation came and went as quickly.

"I'll run some diagnostic spells for blood pressure and heart rate...wonderful, perfect. You have really good blood pressure and the baby has a strong and even heartbeat, 150 beats per minute, so exactly what we'd expect at 14 weeks."

Hermione felt tears rolling down her face as she gazed towards Draco. He leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead and his loving gaze spread warmth throughout her body.

"Would you like to see baby?" Healer Larkin asked softly after giving the parents to be, some peace to process. They both nodded their approval.

"please pull up your sweater, you will feel a tingling sensation and then a projection of your baby will appear above your belly.." hermione pulled up her sweater to expose the small bump, and soon the tingling started.

There it was. Their baby. It was squirming slightly, arms and legs moving, hands opening and closing. Hermione was stunned. With her last pregnancy she had gone to see a muggle obgyn, and the images they could show were grainy smudges, nowhere near this.

They left the healers office 30 minutes later, after a thorough anatomy scan and flooed home. Hermione was still completely stunned and had barely uttered a word since she first saw her baby.

It was there, it was real, healthy and strong.

She hugged the images they received to her chest as she slumped onto the chaise.

Draco, however, had not stopped talking.. talking and asking questions. But Hermione could barely hear a word that he was saying.

"Draco…" she finally looked up and called him. He stopped pacing and sat down next to her. "Draco, we're having a baby"

"Yes we are," they sat in silence, "you still think it's a boy?" Draco finally asked.

"I don't think, it's just a feeling"


End file.
